Addressing Mental Health Means Removing All Your Masks
"I still fall into wearing a mask now and then, but I have better tools to recognize it and center my true self," Brian Cuban writes.
September 03, 2019 at 12:19 PM
6 minute read
A few years ago, I ordered the records from my 2005 trip to a Dallas psychiatric facility, after a near suicide attempt. I was dragged there by my two brothers, kicking and screaming right into the admitting lobby. Obtaining mental health records is not something I endorse or recommend for anyone else. It was simply something I felt I needed to do for a better understanding of my journey. I had very little recall of sitting in that room with the attending physician, the psychiatric nurse and my two brothers.
The notes were revealing. Most of the time was spent screaming at my older brother, Mark, blaming his success for my perceived failures in life.
Of course, there is nothing further from the truth. One of the primary reasons I am alive today is because of his support and the support of my other sibling. My drug and alcohol issues also started long before his rise to fame. However, sitting in that dark room, still somewhat under the influence, none of it mattered. I was Fredo Corleone, and Mark was Michael. I was the shameful black sheep, looking for people to blame. Those who loved me most where easy targets.
In the years since, I have taken a hard look at those feelings and words. The problem was not my siblings. I was experiencing my own form of imposter syndrome. I had gone most of my life with no sense of self-worth, and rather than being comfortable in my own skin as a shy middle child who cries watching movie trailers or to a single note of music, I had to be my brother. Of course, I could not be him so I would fill the void of self-esteem and self-identity another way. I would become "Mark Cuban's brother." I would embrace what I call "name fame." That would be my identity and self-worth. I would become an imposter. A mask that would get me what mattered most: love and acceptance, albeit based on lies and the use of drugs and alcohol. How those lies piled up! An imposter house of cards just waiting to collapse. They always do. It's just a matter of when.
For a while, embracing name Fame seemed great. People asked for my autograph. I would tell people I was part owner of the Dallas Mavericks. I walked into clubs without waiting. Other drug users gave me free cocaine. People bought me drinks. I had relationships with women half my age, wrapped around drugs and partying. I was a 44-year-old teenager finally getting in his mind what that young kid felt he never could. But, of course, every time I looked in the mirror after the cocaine and booze wore off, I still saw the ugliness inside. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
It was not just the party scene. I lost all sense of accountability to my professional self and law clients. I stopped caring about my respected lawyer mask. I showed up to court hung over or still under the influence. I did cocaine in the courthouse bathroom. Eventually, I had no clients. My brother put me to work for him, entrusting me as his point person for the construction of the soon-to-be-opened American Airlines Center, which would be the new home of the Mavericks, and in which Mark had an equity interest.
My responsibilities entailed sitting in on construction meetings, taking notes, and reporting back to Mark with anything I thought he should know. It was a high-profile position sitting in with high-profile people also involved in the construction of the new arena.
It was important work that should have pushed me to excel and open up new doors to my professional future. Unfortunately, as often happens when addiction meets work life, my level of competence and caring was limited, causing me to work up to only my very low expectations and not worry about anyone else's.
I'd often show up hungover after partying all night. Sometimes I was still a little tipsy. More than a few times, I had not showered in days and smelled like a cologne factory. There were very few days when I offered anything to the process other than body odor and booze vapors coming from my corner of the conference table. Needless to say, I was soon no longer a part of those meetings, falling deeper and deeper into an abyss of addiction and shame. I no longer had any imposter masks that worked in a professional setting.
In the nightlife setting, they still worked, so it made sense just to do that and continue to embrace the name fame to generate the illusory and artificial self-respect I had searched for my entire life. As long as I still had places to wear that mask, I had no need to confront my mental health problems and seek help.
When I went into recovery in 2007, the process of dealing with my true self was just as difficult as my abstinence pathway for alcohol and cocaine. It involved figuring out who the real Brian was. Stripping down to that shy little boy who wanted to be loved so badly but only saw someone unlovable in the mirror. That was the real Brian. As recovery and therapy went on, I rebuilt a sense of self. Brick by brick. Painful self-discovery by self-discovery. It's an ongoing process. I still fall into wearing a mask now and then, but I have better tools to recognize it and center my true self before it turns into a body suit.
In this way, I understand attorneys who risk so much out of fear of the damage, admitting mental health issues might do to their reputations. Of course, it's irrational; we're all much more likely to wreck our lives by allowing the problems to progress, rather than dealing with them at the earliest possible touch-point. The hardest conversation I have with struggling lawyers is to step outside the imposter long enough to take a first step. The high-functioning imposter. The "I'm everyone's confidant so I can't have problems" imposter. The masks are many. The road stays the same.
Even though I did not understand it at the time, I am glad I had those around me who knew that recovery for me was more than alcohol and cocaine abstinence. It was about a little boy. An imposter. It was about stripping off the mask and rebuilding. It wasn't easy, but for me, it was worth it.
Brian Cuban is a Dallas-based attorney, author and addiction recovery advocate. He also is a member of the advisory board for Law.com's Minds Over Matters editorial project.
This content has been archived. It is available through our partners, LexisNexis® and Bloomberg Law.
To view this content, please continue to their sites.
Not a Lexis Subscriber?
Subscribe Now
Not a Bloomberg Law Subscriber?
Subscribe Now
NOT FOR REPRINT
© 2024 ALM Global, LLC, All Rights Reserved. Request academic re-use from www.copyright.com. All other uses, submit a request to [email protected]. For more information visit Asset & Logo Licensing.
You Might Like
View AllThese Law Firm Leaders Are Optimistic About 2025, Citing Deal Pipeline, International Business
6 minute read‘A Force of Nature’: Littler Mendelson Shareholder Michael Lotito Dies At 76
3 minute readRemembering Am Law 100 Firm Founder and 'Force of Nature' Stephen Cozen
5 minute readLegal Departments Gripe About Outside Counsel but Rarely Talk to Them
4 minute readTrending Stories
- 1Call for Nominations: Elite Trial Lawyers 2025
- 2Senate Judiciary Dems Release Report on Supreme Court Ethics
- 3Senate Confirms Last 2 of Biden's California Judicial Nominees
- 4Morrison & Foerster Doles Out Year-End and Special Bonuses, Raises Base Compensation for Associates
- 5Tom Girardi to Surrender to Federal Authorities on Jan. 7
Who Got The Work
Michael G. Bongiorno, Andrew Scott Dulberg and Elizabeth E. Driscoll from Wilmer Cutler Pickering Hale and Dorr have stepped in to represent Symbotic Inc., an A.I.-enabled technology platform that focuses on increasing supply chain efficiency, and other defendants in a pending shareholder derivative lawsuit. The case, filed Oct. 2 in Massachusetts District Court by the Brown Law Firm on behalf of Stephen Austen, accuses certain officers and directors of misleading investors in regard to Symbotic's potential for margin growth by failing to disclose that the company was not equipped to timely deploy its systems or manage expenses through project delays. The case, assigned to U.S. District Judge Nathaniel M. Gorton, is 1:24-cv-12522, Austen v. Cohen et al.
Who Got The Work
Edmund Polubinski and Marie Killmond of Davis Polk & Wardwell have entered appearances for data platform software development company MongoDB and other defendants in a pending shareholder derivative lawsuit. The action, filed Oct. 7 in New York Southern District Court by the Brown Law Firm, accuses the company's directors and/or officers of falsely expressing confidence in the company’s restructuring of its sales incentive plan and downplaying the severity of decreases in its upfront commitments. The case is 1:24-cv-07594, Roy v. Ittycheria et al.
Who Got The Work
Amy O. Bruchs and Kurt F. Ellison of Michael Best & Friedrich have entered appearances for Epic Systems Corp. in a pending employment discrimination lawsuit. The suit was filed Sept. 7 in Wisconsin Western District Court by Levine Eisberner LLC and Siri & Glimstad on behalf of a project manager who claims that he was wrongfully terminated after applying for a religious exemption to the defendant's COVID-19 vaccine mandate. The case, assigned to U.S. Magistrate Judge Anita Marie Boor, is 3:24-cv-00630, Secker, Nathan v. Epic Systems Corporation.
Who Got The Work
David X. Sullivan, Thomas J. Finn and Gregory A. Hall from McCarter & English have entered appearances for Sunrun Installation Services in a pending civil rights lawsuit. The complaint was filed Sept. 4 in Connecticut District Court by attorney Robert M. Berke on behalf of former employee George Edward Steins, who was arrested and charged with employing an unregistered home improvement salesperson. The complaint alleges that had Sunrun informed the Connecticut Department of Consumer Protection that the plaintiff's employment had ended in 2017 and that he no longer held Sunrun's home improvement contractor license, he would not have been hit with charges, which were dismissed in May 2024. The case, assigned to U.S. District Judge Jeffrey A. Meyer, is 3:24-cv-01423, Steins v. Sunrun, Inc. et al.
Who Got The Work
Greenberg Traurig shareholder Joshua L. Raskin has entered an appearance for boohoo.com UK Ltd. in a pending patent infringement lawsuit. The suit, filed Sept. 3 in Texas Eastern District Court by Rozier Hardt McDonough on behalf of Alto Dynamics, asserts five patents related to an online shopping platform. The case, assigned to U.S. District Judge Rodney Gilstrap, is 2:24-cv-00719, Alto Dynamics, LLC v. boohoo.com UK Limited.
Featured Firms
Law Offices of Gary Martin Hays & Associates, P.C.
(470) 294-1674
Law Offices of Mark E. Salomone
(857) 444-6468
Smith & Hassler
(713) 739-1250