'Ian Was No Different From You': Wife Says Legal Marketer's Suicide Is a Lesson in Addressing Mental Health Challenges
Ian Turvill was coping with his struggles until he wasn't, his wife Dr. Marny Turvill explains. From her painful experience, she offers tips to individuals for making positive changes.
January 10, 2020 at 01:30 PM
11 minute read
This column is the first in a series focused on how to change perceptions of mental health challenges. The first part focuses on the individual, and the second focuses on the institution.
Einstein said, "You can't solve a problem with the same thinking that created it."
Mental health is finally getting the attention it deserves in the law, and yet most people are stuck in old paradigms about mental health. They misunderstand what mental health really is, are asking the wrong question about it, and have no idea how to achieve it in general and especially without sacrificing their reputation or financial success.
I get it, and I hope to change that for you because you deserve to enjoy great mental health and a thriving career and a great family life. If you think this doesn't apply to you, stop kidding yourself and keep reading.
While I'm a doctor, not a lawyer, I've had a pretty good glimpse into life in the law. My father, John Morrison, was a partner at Kirkland & Ellis for more than 30 years. My husband, Ian Turvill, was the chief marketing officer at Freeborn & Peters for six years and held local and national leadership positions in the Legal Marketing Association.
I've also had more experience than anyone would ever want with the devastating effects of the competitive, high-demand, never-let-them-see-you-sweat professional lifestyle on mental and physical health. And I've learned what it takes to restore and maintain the level of mental and physical health necessary to thrive in these difficult, and yet oh-so-rewarding, environments.
In 2002, I suddenly developed a devastating chronic mystery illness (Multiple Chemical Sensitivity) that included major physical issues, increasing anxiety and an unrecognized PTSD component. Up until that day, I thought I was healthy and thriving. Nothing I'd learned in my medical training could explain what was happening. I went to brilliant doctor after brilliant doctor, and none of them could figure it out or provide any helpful answers either. Ultimately, I had to leave the career I loved, and my family and I suffered for nearly 10 years before I found the first thing that launched me into a completely new paradigm of health and healing. Now I'm not only fully recovered but also mentally and physically healthier and a lot happier than I was 30 years ago. It feels amazing!
At the opposite extreme, I watched my husband stick with the old paradigm, believing that his medications were a solution and refusing to make simple changes in his habits to care for himself. He believed that he didn't have the time or the bandwidth to add in self-care, and—more importantly to him—that he couldn't afford to risk anyone finding out that he had any weakness. He was able to keep up a flawless façade professionally and was beloved and highly respected by his colleagues and staff.
However, over the years, the decline in his mental and physical health was glaringly obvious at home and had an increasingly negative impact on me and on our kids. It's been just over two years since he died by suicide.
Ian was no different from you—a brilliant, driven, professional struggling internally to meet the demands of work he loved and feeling unable to seek help because of intense fear around the stigma of mild mental health issues and diabetes. His story is also not too different from that of countless men (mostly) and women in the law who have also taken their own lives. He was coping reasonably well until suddenly he wasn't, and it was too late. This "he just snapped" phenomenon is all too common, and I promise that you are not immune to it.
Solving or even making noticeable headway in the law with the growing and disastrous problems of depression, anxiety, burnout, substance abuse and suicide requires several paradigm shifts in both individuals and firms. While that may sound daunting, it needn't be.
The good news for you as an individual is that you can make dramatic progress on your own, without anyone smelling weakness, even if your firm doesn't budge from the old paradigms.
|Paradigm 1: Your understanding of mental health.
Myth No. 1: Mental health is the absence of severe depression, debilitating anxiety, panic attacks, schizophrenia, dementia, substance abuse or suicidal thoughts. The sobering truth is that any degree of those symptoms is an indication of poor mental health and, without attention to the root cause of those problems, they can quickly begin a steady downward spiral. It's also critical to recognize that mental health encompasses so much more than just these symptoms and diagnoses.
Myth No. 2: "If my medication is controlling the symptoms, I'm fine." Please stop deluding yourself. If you need medication for mental or physical symptoms then you are not in good health. Medications mask symptoms rather than treating their root cause. Unless you are taking specific steps to remedy the root cause, the issue causing your symptoms is most likely progressing under the surface and will soon show up in new and more debilitating ways. The truth is that if you know where to look, you can find and resolve the root causes and restore better mental health than you've had in ages.
Myth No. 3: Mental health is only about emotional issues. Nope. Mental health is manifested as both emotional health and cognitive health. Good cognitive health includes consistently good analytical and creative thinking, focus, mental energy, impulse control, short- and long-term memory, decisiveness, steady and optimistic mood, temper management, drive, resilience, mental stamina and the ability to manage stress without resorting to alcohol or other drugs. When was the last time you could honestly say that you had all of these going for you on a regular basis? And would you want a lawyer or legal staff member on your team who didn't have all of these?
Myth No. 4: Mental health issues are a sign of weakness and are genetically predetermined. Neither is true. Mental health symptoms are simply the reflection of an imbalance between the wellness needs of your body and brain and what you're giving them. Both emotional and cognitive brain symptoms are generally due to inadequate nutrients (raw materials), excessive toxins/inadequate detoxification (including sleep and exercise), unrecognized chronic infections and excessive stress. The most common cause for a driven professional like you is that you expect your body to perform like a thoroughbred race horse, but you learned only how to care for a sideshow pony and probably aren't even doing that very well. This isn't entirely your fault; it's a major flaw in our modern culture.
|Paradigm 2: The question you ask yourself about mental health.
Most people are asking, "With the long hours, deadlines, cutthroat competition, demanding clients and high stakes outcomes, is mental health possible in the law?" This is the wrong question.
It's wrong because it leads the witness too easily to common cop-out answers like, "Of course not, but that comes with the territory; I can handle it." "There are only so many hours in the day, and something has to give." "I'm fine." "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." And other lies we commonly tell ourselves when we aren't aware of better choices or don't know how to act on them. In other words, most lawyers and legal professionals are assuming that mental health is not possible in their situation and therefore are tragically dismissing their ability to do anything about it.
A far more useful and self-responsible question to ask would be, "Can I be truly successful in the law without optimal mental health?" Can you? No, you can't. You can be successful to a degree without optimal mental health, but if you really stop to examine the issue fully you're not likely to be happy with the limitations imposed upon you when you have anything other than optimal mental health. These limitations extend well beyond your reputation and your income to your physical health, your relationship with your intimate partner, your relationship with your children (including what your children learn from you about how to conduct their lives—think about that one for a minute), your longevity and your overall satisfaction with life. One of the common impediments to taking your mental health seriously is that we have been conditioned to brush off anything that isn't obviously debilitating, so you'll likely have to use your imagination to consider how much better life would be if your minor mental health issues were gone. Having been on both sides, I can tell you that you will almost certainly underestimate the value of having better mental health than you currently have. Truly good mental and physical health is priceless.
Once you shift from viewing mental health as a pipe dream to recognizing that it's a necessity, you'll be surprised how you'll also shift from ignoring it to looking for and noticing ways that you can most easily and efficiently optimize your mental health as well as your physical health.
|Paradigm 3: What you can realistically do to improve and protect your mental health.
When you decide that your success in all aspects of life depends on treating yourself like the human equivalent of a thoroughbred race horse that you are, you'll be viewed by your colleagues as strong and wise for protecting your future and your family. They'll seek to emulate you because they'll see that you are pulling ahead of them in the race. Even if you're experiencing problems already, you can easily frame any lifestyle changes designed to improve your mental or physical health as no-brainer ways to assure that you keep your competitive edge. You can honestly say that you've seen too many colleagues get in trouble with health issues, so you decided to do what you can to proactively avoid those problems.
If you're anything like the vast majority of driven professionals, you've been willing to sacrifice your own well-being (sleep, proper eating, exercise, relaxation, etc.) in the short-term in order to meet the demands of your career and possibly also the demands of your family. That's fine when the short-term really is the short-term, and it's completely self-destructive in the more common scenario where you tell yourself that it's just short-term but in reality there's no realistic end in sight.
Here's what I can promise you: If you don't make time every day to give your brain and body what they need to perform at the level you're demanding of them, they will deteriorate steadily, and you'll be forced to take time out to deal will illness. Most likely, this illness will not be a minor inconvenience that is easily overcome. When your bad habits catch up with you, it's much more likely to be a sudden and major career-devastating illness like I had or, worse, a plunge into the abyss of "it's too late" like Ian and so many of your colleagues have experienced.
Yes, it takes time to care for yourself properly, but it takes a lot more time and effort to manage with poor mental or physical health, even when the symptoms are fairly minor. When serious health problems arise, the time and effort needed to truly reverse them is drastically more than the time and effort needed to prevent them in the first place. I know it's hard to convince yourself that change is needed when you're not already in obviously dire circumstances, and I hope that you will prove to be wise enough to start making healthy changes now to save your career, your happiness and quite possibly your life.
Read more – Minds Over Matters: An Examination of Mental Health in the Legal Profession
Dr. Marny Morrison Turvill is the owner and founder of Outside the Pill Box, a functional medicine practice in Evanston, Illinois. She worked as a University of Chicago-trained Board-certified pediatrician for 16 years.
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