By Yuliya LaRoe

Reaching out to friends and social contacts for business opportunities can be one of the most effective ways for lawyers to grow their book of business. After all, you've already established the essential KLT factor: Know, Like, and Trust.

Yet, the idea of making this type of approach can be filled with concerns: Will your friend think you're taking advantage of the relationship? Will they feel pressured, or might they not be comfortable mixing social and professional spheres?

This article will walk you through practical strategies to explore doing business with friends and social contacts in a way that respects relationships and maximizes opportunities.

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Margaret's Story: Navigating Business with Friends

One of our clients, Margaret, a commercial litigation lawyer, had always been hesitant about approaching her social contacts for business. She had a close friend, David, who was the CFO of a mid-sized company — exactly the type of client who would be ideal for her practice. They met while playing tennis and had been friends for over a decade. Margaret valued their relationship deeply. The idea of asking David for business made her nervous. What if he felt she was taking advantage of their friendship? What if it made things awkward between them?

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Why Your Friends and Family Can Be Your Best Source of Business

Consider this: Many of your friends and social contacts already know your values, integrity, and commitment to your profession. Moreover, they know and value you as a person, as a human being. These existing relationships can be more fruitful than cold outreach or time-consuming marketing activities because the foundation of trust is already laid.

Margaret realized that David already knew her as a loyal friend, an interesting and thoughtful person, and diligent, hard-working lawyer. She remembered the times they had discussed some of the challenges he faced at work, and she knew he respected her professional opinion. This gave her confidence that her existing network, including David, could be a valuable asset.

Your friends and social contacts often know your work ethic better than a stranger ever could. If approached appropriately, these relationships can lead to mutually beneficial business outcomes without compromising the personal relationship. Let's explore some key strategies to do this effectively.

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1. Test the Waters Before Making the Approach

Not every social relationship is ready for a business conversation, so it's crucial to gauge the friend's openness to mixing work and personal life. Ask yourself these questions:

• Do you and your friend ever discuss work-related issues casually?
• Have they sought your informal advice on legal matters?
• Have they hinted at wanting to bring you on as outside counsel?

Margaret began by reflecting on her conversations with David. She realized that he had often talked about work-related challenges and even asked for her informal opinion on a few occasions. These were all good signs that David might be open to a business conversation.

If the answers are positive, this indicates the relationship could be ready for a business ask. One simple, non-intrusive way to approach this is:

"We've been friends for a long time, and I truly value our relationship. I also work with a lot of people/companies similar to yours. I'm not sure if this is something you'd be open to, but I'd love the opportunity to discuss how I could support you if it makes sense."

If this feels too forward, focus on laying more groundwork first:

• Start asking more casual, work-related questions: Ask, "What's been the biggest challenge at work recently?" or "How are you finding the recent industry changes?"
• Learn more about their professional goals: "We've been friends for a long time, and I realized that we never really talk about work. I'm not sure I fully understand what exactly it is that you do. I'm taking business development more seriously now and I'm meeting more people as a result. There's no one I'd rather help more than a friend, so would you be open to getting together to talk about business so I can better understand what you do, the types of people or opportunities that interest you so I can keep you in mind as I grow my network"?
• Share insights and resources: Share some insights from your professional life, and maybe even send them helpful articles or invitations to firm events.

Margaret decided to craft a light and non-pressuring message to David, making sure he knew that she valued their friendship first and foremost. She took her time. Before making any direct ask, she began by sharing industry articles she thought David might find interesting. She also made sure to ask him about his work more frequently, gradually making the transition to more substantial business-related discussions.

This gradual process helps build a bridge toward discussing how your services might help without making your friend feel ambushed or pressured.

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2. Emphasize That You're Not Seeking Special Treatment

Friends might feel apprehensive about mixing business and friendship, particularly if they worry it will lead to uncomfortable expectations or preferential treatment. One way to alleviate this concern is to be transparent:

"I want you to know I wouldn't expect any special treatment. If we decide to work together, it'll be strictly professional."

When Margaret eventually approached David, she made it clear that she wasn't looking for any special favors. She reassured him that she would follow all standard procedures and that their professional relationship would be no different from any other client relationship. This helped put David at ease and made him more comfortable discussing potential business.

By clearly setting these boundaries, you can demonstrate respect for both your friend and the professional process, helping them feel more comfortable about moving forward.

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3. Prepare Yourself for Rejection

Not every friend or social contact will want to work with you, and that's okay. Really, it's perfectly fine! Sometimes the discomfort lies more with us — feeling rejected or questioning the quality of the friendship when our friend declines.

Margaret knew she had to be prepared for any response. She reminded herself that David might have reasons for not wanting to mix business with their friendship and that she had to be okay with that. When she finally asked, David hesitated. He explained that while he respected her immensely, his company had a policy of working with a specific firm they had been using for years.

Margaret handled the situation gracefully, assuring David that she completely understood and that nothing would change between them. They indeed continued their friendship as usual.

It's critical to remember that everyone has different boundaries around mixing personal and professional aspects of their life. Their reluctance may stem from personal policies about keeping these areas separate or perhaps concerns about their reputation if things don't work out.

The best approach is to be understanding and accepting. If they say no, respect their decision and continue to nurture the friendship as you always have. It's important not to take a "no" personally.

Even though David wasn't comfortable starting to work with Margaret right away, her efforts were not in vain. Later that month, David referred one of his own contacts, the owner of a growing chain of dermatology clinics who was dealing with a potential lawsuit with one of their vendors. Margaret's professionalism paid off. David felt confident enough in her expertise to refer his contact, knowing that she could handle the situation effectively and professionally.

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Concrete Action Steps

Here are some practical steps you can take to put these strategies into action:

1. Identify 5 Friends or Social Contacts: Write down a list of 5 people in your social circle who might be in a position to benefit from your legal services.
2. Gauge Their Openness: For each person, reflect on your conversations and determine whether they might be open to discussing work. Look for signs like their willingness to talk about business challenges or seek your informal advice.
3. Lay the Groundwork: If you're unsure about making an ask, start by discussing work topics more frequently. Share industry insights, send a relevant article, or invite them to a firm-hosted event.
4. Prepare Your Approach: If they seem receptive, craft a message to ask for a business meeting. Make sure it's conversational and places no pressure on them.
5. Plan for Rejection: Mentally prepare for a range of responses. Practice how you'll react if they decline — grace and understanding are key to maintaining the friendship.

Tools and Resources

• Conversation Starters: Create a set of casual work-related questions that you can use to test interest and warm up the conversation. For example: "Have you faced any legal challenges with the new regulations?" or "I read an article recently that I think might be helpful for your business — would you be interested?"
• Follow-up Materials: Prepare white papers, client alerts, or industry-specific articles that you can offer as value-adds during casual conversations. These materials help you demonstrate expertise without feeling like a hard sell.
• Email Templates: Use email templates for both asking for a meeting and following up after initial conversations. The key is to keep the tone light, respectful, and open-ended.

By thoughtfully approaching your friends and social contacts with business opportunities, you can successfully leverage your existing network to grow your book — all without jeopardizing the relationships you value. Remember, it's about respecting boundaries, testing the waters, and ultimately being okay with whatever outcome you receive.

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Yuliya ("you-leah") LaRoe is a sought-after leadership and business development consultant, executive coach, and former practicing attorney. She is the founder and CEO of LeadWise Group, an award-winning consulting firm helping leaders in law firms, in-house legal departments, and corporations solve their people problems before they become profit problems in the areas of leadership, management, and business development. Yuliya is one of our regular columnists and a member of the Marketing the Law Firm Board of Editors. She can be reached at [email protected].


This article appeared in Marketing the Law Firm, an ALM/Law Journal Newsletters publication reporting on the latest, and most effective, strategies for Chief Marketing Officers, Managing Partners, Law Firm Marketing Directors, Administrators and Consultants.