Single, Pregnant and 40-ish. Got a Problem With That?
If you've been too busy with work to find Mr. Right and start a family, don't fret that the baby train has passed you by.
January 23, 2018 at 05:40 PM
4 minute read
Mike Pence and his ilk might not approve, but I think this is an awesome development: There's a sharp increase in the number of moms in their 40s, particularly among those with advanced degrees and those who are single.
I'm talking about you, women in Big Law.
If you've been too busy with work to find Mr. Right and start a family, don't fret that the baby train has passed you by. According to Pew Research Center, motherhood is no longer a younger woman's game. While women are having kids later overall, Pew also finds that “the most dramatic increase in motherhood has occurred among the relatively small group of women in their early 40s with a Ph.D. or professional degree.” Now, 80 percent of those women are mothers, compared with just 65 percent in 1994.
This demographic change means that “few women see long educations or demanding careers as a bar to having a family,” writes Claire Cain Miller in The New York Times, adding that “motherhood among women who have never married has risen across racial and educational groups.”
While some may find the trend of women having kids later in life troubling (the Times notes that some economists are worried about how lower fertility rates could derail the economy), I think that 15 percent motherhood uptick for older, well-educated women is generally something to celebrate.
So why is this group of women having kids later? Probably because they can. For one thing, there seems to be little stigma to being a single mom, even in a profession like law. That might have been scandalous a decade or two ago, but that attitude has changed. Indeed, recently, a young female partner at a prestigious New York firm told me about her plans to freeze her eggs—said with the casualness of talking about her next dental checkup. Never did she express concern that it might dent her career.
Secondly, that uptick likely signals that assisted pregnancies are getting more successful. I wouldn't be surprised if coverage for in vitro fertilization and other forms of reproductive technology assistance has become one of the must-have perks. In fact, I'm hearing that single female lawyers (associates and partners) are openly discussing egg freezing and egg donation at affinity group meetings, trading anecdotes about procedures and doctors.
“I see more and more professional women in their 30s who want to freeze their eggs,” says Dr. Jane Frederick, a reproductive specialist in Southern California. “Women are taking better care of their reproductive health. They'll say, 'I know my clock is ticking and I want to freeze my eggs, so that when I'm 42 or 45, I'll have options.'” It gives women more control, adds Frederick: “That way, you don't have to search for a partner when you think you're ready to have children.”
What's more, it's not just single women in their 30s or 40s who are thinking ahead. “Sometimes, I'll get a call from a woman's mother, who'll say: 'I'm concerned about my daughter who is 35,' ” Frederick says.
But even with assisted reproductive technology, “ It's a 50-50 chance if you'll have good egg quality,” warns Frederick, adding it usually runs $10,000 per procedure and that most women do three procedures in order to freeze a batch of 30 eggs.
Yes, the women who fit the demographic profile of the older, well-educated mother is likely paying a higher price for the privilege.
That said, I still think this phenomenon should be regarded as a positive. If nothing else, it puts to bed the urban legend that well-credentialed career gals are freaks of nature, doomed forever to a barren, desolate life.
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