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What happens when you put hundreds of female lawyers together for three days in the nation's capital? Contrary to what some might imagine, it wasn't just a giant bitch session punctuated by spa treatments and Cosmo breaks.

Actually, the women in attendance at ALM's recent Women, Influence & Power in Law conference weren't bitchy at all (too bad!). Not that they didn't express frustration about the existing structure. But the anger was definitely subdued. (I guess those sessions on compliance, cybersecurity, tariffs and trade wars aren't really conducive to revolutionary action.)

In any case, I'm sure you don't want a blow-by-blow relay of the WIPL pow-wow, so let me share some trends and nuggets of wisdom that I found.

First, the newsflash: The topic of work/life balance is so yesterday! As far as I could tell, it was not on the agenda, and women didn't seem to miss it one bit. A general counsel from the Midwest told me: "I am so glad we are done with work/life balance. I'm so tired of it. What a waste of time!"

Instead, one of the big themes was this: Ladies, you've got to stop being so hard on yourself. That message was conveyed by two keynote speakers, Lisa Blatt and Alison Levine. 

Blatt, chair of Williams & Connolly's Supreme Court and appellate practice, offered this: Don't knock yourself out chasing the idea that your job must engage your deepest passion. Blatt said her longtime passion was trial work. But guess what? She sucked at it (or so she said). It turned out she's much more suited to appellate work. And, hey, Blatt is doing OK with her default choice, considering that she's argued 37 times before the high court. 

Levine, the team captain of the first American women's Mount Everest expedition, told the audience: Stop feeling like a failure if you don't get to the top. For Levine, she means that literally. In riveting detail, Levine told the story of how she and her team were close to reaching the summit but had to turn back because of a sudden storm. Though the climb was historical and an achievement in its own right, Levine said people treated her and the venture as a big disappointment. Levine recounted a JPMorgan executive telling her, "If you don't get to the top, it doesn't count." To which she replied: "Oh, are you the CEO of JPMorgan? If not, that doesn't count either." Her point: Don't be afraid to fail; otherwise, you'll never take risks. (Spoiler alert: Levine did make it to the top of Mount Everest, eight years after that first attempt.)

But enough with the serious lessons. Now, let's get to the quick and dirty lessons from the conference:

Don't be a Girl Scout. Women follow the rules and do as they're told. The upshot: They miss out on networking opportunities and fun. At conferences, women attend seminars while men skip out and play golf, said Catherine Paulson, GC of Cinepolis USA. "Give yourself the license to be a bad girl!"

Best way to stand out in a crowd: Wear pink. Concerned that people will forget you after all your relationship-building efforts? "Wear something memorable, like pink, that distinguishes you from the other women in the room who tend to wear black—especially women lawyers from New York," said a panelist.

Best ice breaker: "I just love your shoes!" Not sure how to start a conversation with a perfect stranger? Make a compliment. "Everyone likes compliments, so tell them how much you like their necklace or shoes," said a panelist.

Always wear fabulous shoes. Corollary to the above.

Don't be a Debbie Downer. Never start a conversation by saying what a bad day you're having. Even though it's expected that women's events will entail criticism of the workplace, don't overwhelm people with your personal problems.

Don't drink too much. That's what several panelists cautioned about professional events. 

I think all this is perfectly good advice for women, though I'm not sure about that last one concerning drinking. It's unquestionable that it's generally wise not to get sloshed at a professional event, but does that rule apply to an all-women event? Just asking.

Contact Vivia Chen at [email protected]. On Twitter: @lawcareerist.