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The lawyer on the other side has been impossible to deal with throughout the litigation. You had hoped mediation would put an end to the ordeal, but so far the other side is taking such outrageous positions that you are wondering whether you should pack up and head home.

Lee Wallace, Bay Mediation.

Don't give up! You can successfully mediate with a hardball negotiator, but you are going to have to toss the rulebook you normally use. Try these methods to get your settlement discussions back on track.

1. Set goals before mediation starts.

Before mediation begins, think through the reasons you want to settle the case and consider your alternatives. If the other side becomes unreasonable, you need an unshakable focus on where you are headed and why, so you can avoid being sidetracked.

2. Avoid an emotional response.

Sure, you're tempted to react emotionally, cram your papers in your briefcase and slam the door on the way out. But if you avoid the emotional response, you can stay focused on the real task: getting the case settled. A crazy demand is just a demand—it's not a fact unless you choose to agree to it.

When you reach peak frustration levels, go back to that original goal, the one you set before the negotiation began. Remind yourself that being confrontational hurts your chances of getting to your goal.

3. Understand the reasoning before you respond.

When you get a clearly unreasonable demand or offer, ask questions. There may be reasons they think the case is worth a vastly different amount than you do. They—or you—may be missing information or not taking into account critical facts.

As a mediator, one of my goals is to understand and communicate the "why" behind each offer or demand. When two parties have very  different views of the case, I want to figure out whether everyone is evaluating the same case. Until they are, it will be nearly impossible to settle.

4. Keep talking.

The New York Hostage Negotiation Team "operates on the premise that there is always a chance of a connection with someone in extremis, no matter the circumstance." Hopefully you will never have to convince a drug-crazed bank robber to release the tellers and customers. But the point still applies: negotiations only fail when someone gives up. And as the mediator, it's not going to be me. If you want to stick around and try to settle the case, I'm in it with you.

5. Keep listening.

When discussions get bogged down, you want to listen as much as talk.

"Skilled" listening is the art of looking beyond the words someone says in order to divine what the person really means. It takes into account the other person's words, mixes in observations about their body language and facial expressions and sprinkles in a generous understanding of context.

"Active" listening lets the other person know that you are hearing what they say. If you repeat back what they just said and get them to say "exactly," you have shown them you were listening. In turn, they will be more likely to listen to you—and to abandon clearly irrational positions.

6.   Brainstorm solutions.

When you understand the other side's real goal, you are in a position to brainstorm ways to get him to that goal—ways other than your giving in to his unreasonable demands. For example, if the plaintiff wants a guarantee on her future medical bills, probably her real need is security. Perhaps a structured settlement would meet that need, and still allow both sides to close out the case.

7. Be reasonable yourself.

While it may be tempting to fight fire with fire, tossing out your own unreasonable demand is not the way to get someone to back off their position. It is far more effective to state a reasonable position and tie it to something concrete and rational. For example, a plaintiff's lawyer might say, "I realize that you think the case is worth less because we are filed in Jones County. But our research shows that cases in Jones County had verdicts three to six times the medical bills. That's how we came up with our demand."

8. Enlist the mediator.

The mediator is a critical ally when the other side is being unreasonable. A good mediator will try all of these methods to walk the other side back from the litigation ledge. The mediator also will absorb the emotion and frustration that otherwise can spill into the negotiations.

The NYPD hostage team jokes that they try to negotiate over the phone, because "no negotiator ever got killed over the phone." But separation provides protection from more than bullets. It can be tough for a party to back down when they are negotiating directly with the side that is "winning" the issue. Parties often find it easier to be rational about the case when they are talking to the mediator.

9. Talk about the consequences of not reaching settlement.

One of the most effective ways to deal with a hardball negotiator is to remind him that his choice will have consequences. Trial brings with it risks and expenses. Going to trial because it is a better solution makes sense; going to trial because you refused to think rationally about the value of the case is foolhardy.

10. Ask for their advice.

When the other side clings stubbornly to a position that simply does not make sense, ask them what they would do if they were in your shoes. You might say, "I've got a client with $200,000 in medical bills and a boatload of liens. If I settle the case for $30,000, I don't know how to even get started explaining that to my client. What would you do if you were in my shoes?" Faced with the prospect of explaining the inexplicable, often the person will back off the unreasonable stance.

When you face off against an unreasonable opponent, don't give up. You can successfully mediate, even against a hardball negotiator.

Lee Wallace is a mediator and arbitrator with Bay Mediation & Arbitration Services, Sandy Springs, Georgia.