"I don't do marketing, selling or business development. I am a professional, a lawyer, an expert and specialist who does a great job, so the referrals will come." You simply cannot prosper if you have that attitude. It is time to wake up; it is the 21st century, and even the supermarket is moving in. You all know about 'Tesco Law' and the Legal Services Bill. You simply cannot play ostrich if you want to succeed.

The competition is hotting up and if you want to keep your slice of the cake you have to rethink your position: any business could be preparing to muscle in on your profession.

The AA and Halifax have already begun offering limited legal services in anticipation of the changes. Both companies are outsourcing the work to external solicitors but will eventually be able to employ their own legal staff.

So, how can you protect and improve your position? To be an all-rounded modern day legal professional it is naturally expected you that you know your area of expertise and keep up with any developments. You have to understand what your clients are trying to achieve in order to provide them with a creative edge, you must ensure they are ahead of the opposition and listen carefully – that way you learn what your client wants and needs. Building a strong, two-way relationship with your clients is vital, not just selling services for a quick fix. Make sure you understand that the relationship you have is about creating value for your client, not just paying lip service to it. And last but not least, enthusiastically become part of the business development team.

In today's highly competitive and uncertain world, being a confident and effective networker helps make you an all round professional; it sets you apart from the crowd. You become more visible, always feel in control and will always create more business opportunities than your competitors. Professionals in particular find this aspect of their work life somewhat of a challenge.

So, what is networking? The irony is you have been networking from the day you strung a sentence together. Networking is simply building relationships and every relationship we have ever built in our lives, be it a business or social one, has three key stages:

• Getting to know someone. This is simply done by attending events, internal or external.
• Creating a rapport. When we meet people we make instant decisions about them – and normally find our instincts to be accurate. When we take an instant dislike to someone, or them to us, the chance of a relationship being built is very slim indeed.
• Building trust. This takes time and patience. Generally where there is a long-lasting and meaningful relationship there has to be conviction that the other person will be genuine and reliable in their dealings with you.

Networking is not hard sales. So do not ever sell your services, or the organisation you represent, at a business event – simply sell yourself. We all know the cliche: 'People buy people first'. When a relationship starts with a potential new client, whether it is with a new trainee or a senior partner, if that prospect requires legal services and they like the person they are talking to, that person can be the portal through which new business can come.

Everyone who represents a law firm has a major responsibility, as that person is the ambassador for the brand. The firm will be judged by the way the ambassador behaves.

How we think, feel and behave is down to our self-esteem which is, basically, the relationship we have with ourselves. How far you like and value yourself often reflects on how others see you. When you attend events, social or business, what fears and concerns do you have walking into that room? Am I good enough? Will I be judged and found wanting? Will I fail? Will I be included? Will I be taken seriously? Will I make a fool of myself? Will I be asked something and not know the answer? Will I be ignored?

We walk into the event focusing on our imperfections and faults rather than our strengths, our own worth and the fact that we are 'nice' people. Generations of English teachers have told us not to use the 'N' word but when it comes to attending events, being a nice person ensures others will acknowledge you for who you are and include you readily.

To be a good networker one has to be approachable, friendly, affable, agreeable, likeable and personable. The list goes on, but at the end of the day 'nice' says it all.

Walk into that room knowing you are as good as anyone else in that room, even though you may not be the richest, nor the most experienced or even the most senior business professional.

A nice person is someone with a giving nature and a generous spirit and the greatest gift one person can give to another is the gift of time. Spend more time in a conversation being interested rather than interesting. People love talking about themselves; nice people let them. Listen carefully to what people are saying and react in the appropriate way. Do not hijack a conversation; work hard on your active listening rather than simply waiting for the other person to stop talking.

When you have low self-esteem or see your self-image as lacking you can not possibly like or trust yourself. People will see through you. Paul McKenna believes you can never be better on the outside than you believe you are on the inside – your body language will say it all, unless you are a highly-accomplished actor.

Some may think that if we are not self-deprecating then we must be arrogant. No, it is self-belief and the way this manifests itself is through liveliness and charm, which can only be attractive. Be enthusiastic about what you do and who you do it for otherwise why should others want to be associated with you and your business. When you act enthusiastically you quickly become enthusiastic.

The preparation stage includes consideration of who will be there, where it is, what to wear, what is the format, business cards etc. But there is much more.

Before walking in give yourself a good talking to, to get yourself into the right state of mind:

• remember that you are a nice person;
• remember that you are a giving person;
• think about your strengths, your past achievements and why you have arrived in your present position;
• you have a service valuable to others.
• you represent a business that is worth representing;
• be ready to accept compliments and always thank that person in a genuine manner;
• everyone is there to create potential opportunities; they want to meet you like you want to meet them;
• most people are as nervous as you;
• the majority of people will be polite, courteous and respectful like you are; and
• accept that there will be a small minority of rude people. Do not let them ruin your event, just move on to the majority of the nice, welcoming people.

All I ask is you focus on all your strengths and play to them when attending business events.

I cannot tell you to be self-confident when you attend events. But if you are proactive and become a networking regular you are sure to become a more accomplished networker. In turn you will gain more clients, learn more about your market and make you, your career and business more visible, which can only lead to greater success all round. You will not have to fear the supermarkets anymore.

Will Kintish runs Kintish Networking Services.