For Mental Health Awareness Week, Legal Week has invited law firm partners to talk about how mental health issues have impacted their careers and the coping strategies they have adopted. Here, Clifford Chance banking partner Karen Hodson discusses how she manages her depression

I remember, as a junior partner, being in a client meeting and five minutes before the meeting was due to start, I was in the ladies sobbing my heart out. I fixed my makeup, went back in there and I would hope no one in the room had any inkling that anything was wrong.

I first suffered depression badly at university but was diagnosed after three or four years in the job, at 27, and didn't tell anyone.

For me it's a medical condition that's treatable with drugs – generally I can manage it very well. I haven't taken time off for many years and even when I did it would just be the odd day when I was really struggling.

It isn't directly related to my workload at all. But my job brings it to the fore because if I'm depressed everything I do is more difficult.

My job brings it to the fore, because if I'm depressed everything I do is more difficult

We all do a better job when we're feeling happy, robust and confident. That applies to all jobs but particularly in this one – you need mental agility, you need to be confident and positive to back yourself and to sell yourself, and you also need to be a role model for juniors. All of this if far easier when you're feeling good about yourself and much more difficult if you're feeling low and like you're not worth anything.

It isn't the same as having the flu or a broken leg though – there are people who suffer a bout of depression after a grievance or something similar and get better, but for many of us it's a chronic condition.

And that's why I feel strongly that ending the stigma isn't about blurting it all out – it's about feeling that you can tell someone if you want to.

I no longer think anyone is going to doubt my ability to do my job, but at a junior level I think people still could. Not for bad reasons, but kindness and empathy and a desire to look after people may well mean you end up treating people with a mental health condition differently.

I don't want people to try to make allowances because they're worried they might upset me. The best thing is to just get on with it – I didn't talk about it then and I wouldn't do it differently now.

I didn't talk about it then and I wouldn't do it differently now

You need to find a supportive group of people, but then it's about finding a way to manage your condition so that you can do the job – if you can't then maybe you should do something else.

The whole issue of how we can all better manage our mental health concerns everybody – it's of fundamental importance. It's unavoidable that as an associate lawyer you will inevitably go through phases of feeling anxious and overworked and maybe unwell, and that's just part of the job.

That's fine, but if it becomes more sustained or happens more regularly, it's important to recognise that it could be a mental health issue. It's important to have colleagues who recognise the symptoms – it's why I'm one of the firm's mental health advocates.

Most of us are lucky enough to have loving and supportive families and friends to look out for us, but they don't necessarily understand what the job's like. We spend more time in the company of our colleagues than our families, so it's important that we notice those who are struggling.

Karen Hodson is a banking and finance partner at Clifford Chance

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