Shirley Hall, Eversheds Sutherland

Eversheds Sutherland partner Shirley Hall talks about how helpful she found accessing the firm's counselling resources, after the death of her parents left her feeling overwhelmed.

I am a partner, office location head for Newcastle's employment team, senior office partner for the Newcastle and Edinburgh offices and lead a national team of lawyers on gender pay and equal pay at Eversheds.

As a result I thought I should be invincible. I was made to realise that I was only human when my daughters and close friends became worried about me. 

The background to that concern started when my Dad passed away in September 2016. As an only child I became sole carer for my Mum who had significant health issues including dementia.

That was a difficult year as I was travelling a lot, and Mum had an accident and broke her pelvis when I was travelling on business and was taken to hospital. Thereafter her health deteriorated culminating in a leg amputation and her passing away less than twelve months after my Dad.

I was in the middle of an extremely high profile project for a big client at this time and had been scheduled to go on holiday when the project completed. The project overran and I had to delay the holiday because of the funeral. I was working whilst trying to co-ordinate the funeral arrangements for my Mum.

The holiday didn't go as planned and I didn't get the restful break I desperately needed. When I returned from holiday I went straight on secondment to a client. The client's working environment was very pressured and because I was living away from home, without my family team and office colleagues as support, I felt quite isolated and lonely and started to become overwhelmed by things.

When my secondment ended and I was back at home my daughters started telling me that I was still grieving and needed to talk to someone. I felt very sad and lethargic. Around this time I gave a presentation to the office on the firm's Employee Assistance Programme (EAP), together with a colleague from HR.

I had always assumed (incorrectly) that the EAP programme was only for employees. My HR colleague stressed that it was available to all including partners. That struck a chord with me and I decided I would give them a ring. I accessed telephone counselling which enabled me to come to terms with the bereavements and the pressure I was under at the time plus the residual feelings of guilt which I had.

I can only describe it as a massive relief to actually talk about the issues to someone who was not emotionally involved or felt personal responsibility towards me as family, friends and close colleagues would do. This really helped me put things into perspective and revisit what I needed to do to ensure I spent some time focusing on me to get my work life balance back. 

I would encourage anyone who feels overwhelmed, and/or is telling themselves that they should be able to cope with these issues without support, to ask for help. Accessing assistance to manage your mental health is not a sign of weakness, at any level, but is a sensible way of seeking support to manage wellbeing. 

Since dealing with my bereavements, I was able to come back stronger and delighted to be awarded Lawyer of the Year at the Northern Law Awards last year, an unexpected bonus. They say it is good to talk, and it really is.

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