In one of our final articles for U.K. Pride month 2020, Tomas Varga, co-chair of Fried Frank's LGBTQ+ group, Pride Alliance, discusses how anyone who does not identify as LGBTQ+ can support those who do by being a good ally.

Since taking on the role of the co-chair of Fried Frank's LGBTQ+ group, Pride Alliance, many colleagues have approached me and asked what they can do to support me and the group even if they do not identify as LGBTQ+. There are many things one can do. Becoming an ally is a good start. However, becoming an effective ally should be the end goal. That has been my message to anyone interested in supporting the LGBTQ+ community, whether at my firm or anywhere else. Here, I outline what I consider as three essential characteristics of an effective ally.

Be a Good Listener

Try being a good listener. Listening to the members of the LGBTQ+ community and what issues they need to confront is perhaps the most important thing you can do as an effective ally. It is important to take an active role in conversations that are often difficult, complex or emotional.

However, taking that active role does not mean you need to speak more than the other people in the conversation or that you need to relate your own personal experiences to theirs to justify your presence in the conversation. Rather, take positive steps to create a safe environment in which various issues can be discussed and where you listen and ask questions to clarify things you perhaps don't understand. Most importantly, come from a place of empathy whilst understanding that you do not need to solve the other person's problems to be a good ally and listener.

Be Educated

If you don't know the difference between sex and gender, the range of sexualities on the LGBTQ+ spectrum or much about current LGBTQ+ related topics such as the use of pronouns, there are a multitude of articles, documentaries and other content that provide background. To understand the issues faced by the LGBTQ+ community, it is imperative to educate yourself. Why? Because educating yourself demonstrates respect and sensitivity to what really matters to the LGBTQ+ community and makes you a more effective ally.

Maybe there is a word or an issue you still don't understand or maybe you don't quite fully appreciate the effect of some newly enacted legislation affecting the LGBTQ+ community. The reality is that no one knows everything, and you are not expected to either. Ask questions and do your own research. The important thing is to take the initiative and to show that you care.

Be Visible

Some allies want to show support by wearing rainbow pins, sticking ally logos above their name badges in the office or even by attending Pride events (and speaking at these events). Others prefer to be visible by speaking up only when they see behaviour likely to cause prejudice against the LGBTQ+ community. The truth is that there isn't the 'right way' to show your support through being 'visible'. Regardless of what type of support makes you more comfortable, being an effective ally requires you to take positive actions that can be associated with you personally.

The positive actions that you take and are visible to others will serve to educate those around you and make the members of the LGBTQ+ community feel more supported and empowered. By being visible you can also become a role model in your own social circle and can spread the knowledge you have acquired, thus encouraging others to also become allies or even help someone close to you to 'come out'.

Becoming an effective ally who really can support and empower the LGBTQ+ community requires taking positive actions. It requires energy, time and commitment. My message to those who want to become effective allies is this: in the process of becoming an effective ally, you will almost certainly make mistakes and feel that you may have offended people. But that's all okay, provided you recognise those mistakes, learn from them and explain to those who you may have offended that you are still learning. In the end, your effective allyship will have a positive effect on the LGBTQ+ community, the society in general, and on you.

|

Read More

My Pride Story: How to be an Effective Ally