The legal profession often imposes stress, especially on junior lawyers. Deadlines, changing client needs, uncertainty in novel situations and unreasonable adversaries – these and many other factors can make the practice quite stressful. But what if your boss (practice group head, partner in change of major projects in your area, or even a middle-level associate who principally supervises your work) instead of helping you, makes your life more difficult?

Difficult bosses come in many stripes: bullying, over-critical, unreasonably demanding, belittling, micro-managing – any combination of these (and many other) negative qualities can produce a difficult boss. Magnifying stress, these maladaptive managers can make law firm life nearly intolerable. Let’s review some of the essential steps necessary for the junior lawyer to cope with a difficult boss.

Think before you act

Before you take any steps to respond to a difficult boss, you must think, about the existing patterns of interactions with your boss, and about the parts of those interactions that you find most bothersome. Do not respond in anger or frustration to individual incidents of bad behavior. And do not respond if you see no opportunity to change the situation (other than by departure from the firm). You may feel better venting your emotions at the time, but the likelihood of constructive change is quite low. Instead, think carefully:

• Some bad behavior is situational. Your boss may be great most of the time, but suffer small breakdowns on occasion (under extreme time pressure, for example). Knowing that fact may mean that you take some special precautions (anticipating deadlines and potential causes of delays, for example). But it probably does not mean that you need any grand plan for responding to consistently bad treatment from you boss.

• Some bad behavior is the result of idiosyncrasy. Your boss may go nuts over typos in what is supposed to be a finished document, or excessively criticize you for failing to use the proper research scheme to answer a legal question. Your boss may hate lateness, or over-long email messages. Quirky though these habits may be, they are not malicious. You may “live and learn” to avoid your boss’ pet peeves, without any major confrontation.

• Some bad behavior is the result of insecurity, often about the manager’s ability to handle the project presented. If you are organized and diligent in your own work, and seek to help your boss get a firm handle on the project, the bad behavior may dissipate, again without any significant intervention. If not, then at very least you can say with assurance that the problem lies with the boss, not with some real inadequacy in your efforts.

Analyze the patterns of misbehavior

If you have thought through the situation, and it is clear to you that the bad behavior will not resolve itself without some serious action on your part, then you must analyze the pattern of behavior for clues as to how best to respond:

• Begin to list the specific behaviors that you find upsetting or frustrating. What is said and done that you consider most distressing? What distressing behaviors are repeated? Aim to develop a catalog (as specific as you can get) of the things that most disturb you. This experience (listing the problems) may itself provide some catharsis, as you confirm for yourself that your disquiet is well-grounded.

• Pay attention to your own behavior and attitudes that may contribute to the problem. Have you found yourself becoming surly, sullen or sarcastic around your boss? Do you withdraw and sulk whenever your boss criticizes you? Do you take subtle steps to undermine your boss’ authority, or sabotage implementation of directions you find misguided? These types of behaviors may aggravate the situation greatly. Indeed, they may make it impossible for you to have a candid, constructive discussion with your boss about potential improvements in your working arrangements. Work to eliminate them.

• Pay attention also to the ways in which your boss’ difficult behavior decreases the efficiency and effectiveness of your work (and perhaps the work of the project team as a whole). The more specific you can be in providing examples, the better. Focus on the facts of the behavior. Try to think of how an external observer might view the situation. What might someone in your boss’ shoes need to do to make the working relationship more positive? Learn to “gripe for the good.” Ultimately, the more positive the suggestions you make to your boss, the more likely it is that the misbehavior may change.

Plan your encounters with your boss

Confrontation with a boss is never easy, even less so when the relationship with your boss has been “difficult.” For your own self-confidence, and to maximize the chances that the encounter will succeed, you should plan your address to your boss carefully, including:

• Make sure the encounter is private. Speaking out in protest during a large team meeting will almost certainly fail (and probably make the situation worse). Casual conversation in the hallway may be similarly doomed. Get an appointment with your boss, in private.

• Do not ambush your boss. Tell your boss in advance that you have something important you want to discuss. You might even announce the topic in setting up the meeting: “how we can better manage this project;” or “ways to solve some communications issues;” or “a potentially better system for delegation.” Keep the topic positive. Avoid the temptation to launch into a full discussion of the topic when you announce it. Tell your boss that you have been seriously thinking about the topic, and would like some uninterrupted time to discuss your ideas.

• Pick a mutually convenient time. Some times may naturally suggest themselves. If there is a weekly team meeting, for example, you might ask your boss for ten minutes’ time after the meeting. If there is no obvious time for the meeting, try to suggest a time when your boss will be most relaxed and able to listen. Early morning meetings (over coffee), before the day’s hectic schedule of telephone calls and conferences begins, may be most conducive to discussion. Ask your boss for a time that works best for him / her, and make sure the date is actually calendared. A meeting perpetually deferred can become part of the problem.

Communicate effectively

Lawyers can sometimes make poor advocates when arguing for their own interests. An encounter with a boss may be emotionally charged, with uncertainty as to whether a productive outcome is possible. Thus, special emphasis on effective communication is essential.

• Keep it simple and direct. Make your main point as quickly and briefly as possible. Avoid babbling on, getting lost in details and verbiage. Do not use euphemisms, or “soft soap” by talking around what you really want.

• Avoid over-personalizing the issue. Do not communicate, through tone or content, that your boss is an evil person who has deeply hurt your feelings. If you hold such views, vent them in advance, so that your encounter with the boss can be as professional as possible.

• Keep the tone principally positive and hopeful. Find something good to say: “I really like working on this project,” or “I’m sure we can work this problem out,” or “most of our work together has been great.”

• Have a specific set of suggestions in hand, and be prepared to explain them. Do not simply deliver a list of gripes and then say (in substance): “so, what are you going to do about that?”

• Prepare a fall-back theme, if you encounter resistance: “Maybe we should think about this some more, and plan to meet again,” or “these are just my suggestions; I want to see which of them make sense to you, and what other ideas you might have.” Leave the way open for your boss to express doubts or uncertainties about the situation (this encounter may be, after all, a revelation for your boss).

• End on a positive note, no matter how the meeting goes: “I’m glad we could talk through some of these issues,” or “thank you for listening so well.”

• Follow up on any agreements that may have been reached during the discussion. If appropriate, send your boss a confirming note, as to the new protocols that were chosen. At very least, remind your boss, periodically, of the discussions had and that you are taking new steps in light of whatever may have been agreed. If no agreement was reached, consider asking for a further meeting, for consideration of additional options. If there is more than one principal issue you need to resolve with your boss, consider scheduling a meeting on an additional topic.

What does not work

What does not work, in circumstances where persistent misbehavior by a difficult boss is causing you extreme, unnecessary stress, is to do nothing (or at least nothing productive). You may spend vast amounts of mental energy thinking about what a jerk your boss is, and never take steps to correct the situation. The results can be symptoms of unresolved stress (over-eating, alcohol abuse and the like). What’s more, your unhappy attitude will probably become apparent to your boss (and perhaps other senior lawyers in the firm), thus aggravating your situation. Instead, strive to do your best work at all times, look for creative solutions to the issues you face with your boss, and keep the hope alive that you can, with effort, endure and prosper in the situation.

You may also spend time gossiping with your fellow junior lawyers about just how awful your boss can be. Again, such gossip (even though it may feel good at the time) can worsen your situation, as you ruminate on a problem without (an apparent) solution. Gossip, moreover, may (and often does) get back to your boss (and others) and may help brand you a whiner, all to your detriment. Instead, if you discuss your situation with others, be discrete. Seek out someone with maturity and perspective (perhaps a trusted mentor), and bounce your tentative ideas for solutions off them, rather than spending all your time complaining.

Finally, you may be tempted to “go over your boss’ head,” to tell the next person up the line just how poorly you have been treated. This scheme can easily back-fire. You may find yourself in a “he said, she said” contest with your boss. At very least, your boss will resent your action, and the next-level supervisor may chide you for failing to take steps privately to solve the problem. Instead, give genuine effort to the encounter with your boss. Keep track of the steps you take, and mark whether they produce change. If you eventually must take the matter to a higher level, you can say with real assurance that you have done all within your power to solve the problem.

Steven Bennett is a partner in the New York City offices of Jones Day and a member of the firm’s Training Committee. His publications include: The Path to Partnership: A Guide For Junior Associates (Praeger 2004).