creativity idea

Lawyers are a clever bunch. But in one respect, they are devoid of creativity: Naming their law firms.

After I wrote about WilmerHale partner Heather Tewksbury's decision to change her name to Heather Nyong'o last week, I've been thinking more about the importance of names in the law.

Within the Am Law 200, the closest any firm gets to calling itself anything other than some lawyers' last names is DLA Piper–the DLA part stands for Dibb Lupton Alsop. (Using initials instead of names counts as a bold move in Big Law.)

A few of the Am Law 200 firms sound like maybe they're not named after people. Alas, I confirmed that “Venable” isn't some hybrid of venerated and reliable. It's Richard Venable. And “Winstead” isn't what you get if you combine winning and steady, it's Pete Winstead.  Nor is Clark Hill a place—it's Joseph Clark and Sherwin Hill.

So never mind.

(However, let's all take a moment to congratulate Skadden for making a go of it despite having “Arps” “Meagher” and “Flom” in its name—the combination sounds like something Dickens would come up with on a bad day.)

I recently had lunch with a lawyer who co-founded her own firm, and she said they really did want to call it something other than the last names of the founding partners. Which makes a lot of sense if you're trying to build an enduring brand.

Boies Schiller without David Boies or Quinn Emanuel without John Quinn—these are impending hurdles that wouldn't be so high if the firms from the beginning had names like Intel or Exxon or Amazon.

But my lunch companion said everything they came up with (“The Lighthouse Law Firm”?) sounded stupid, so they just wound up naming the firm after themselves.

Still, it got me thinking… what might you call a law firm other than the lawyers' last names?

It turns out that there are multiple free online business name generators. I wasted a delightful hour inputting “lawyers” and “law” and “litigator” to see what the programs might suggest.

Here are some of my favorite results, along with my suggested tag lines.

Python Lawyers: We will squeeze you until you die.

Windmill Lawyers: Specialists at tilting.

Olive Tree Law: We also serve breadsticks.

Law Node: Maybe you should get that biopsied?

Material Law: And I am a material lawyer.

Skull Law Firm: Aaarr!

Apocalypse Lawyers: We love the smell of affidavits in the morning.

Rogue Law: Because following the law is for suckers.

Podium Litigators: Experts in standing.

Forward Law: There's no collateral estopping us!

Frontline Lawyers: We also kill fleas and ticks.

Magical Law: For all your Wizarding World and Hogwarts-related legal needs (Ask us about our Azkaban bail bonds affiliate).

Alternative Law: We specialize in alternative facts.

Robot Litigators: Resistance is futile.

Koala Litigators: Please someone name your firm this. No one will ever hire you, but you could make really cute tee shirts.

Lawyers Spice: Zesty!

Gratis Law: Hahaha that's a good one.

Diverse Litigators: You wish.

So OK fine. Name your law firms after yourselves. It's obviously better this way.