"If you plan to be a trial lawyer, you are not doing your job unless you are pushing contempt," said one of our law school professors many years ago. What does that mean? We all know what "push back" is—a negative response to a proposed change or plan. To "push back" in family court means arguing during a motion or making objections during a trial. Strong advocacy is not about getting a judge to like you. It is about having the respect of the court through proper objections and motions. It means being ready to file emergent appeals where there is risk of harm to the client.

Ultimately, being a good trial lawyer—as a family lawyer—means you can't come to court "as if" to mediate. It means you must be prepared for courtroom battle. Too many family lawyers are taught to "go along to get along," to make motions to seek relief but not to risk antagonizing a judge. That might be fine in many cases but where there is domestic violence it doesn't work.

Virtually all domestic violence statutes mimic behavior that is forbidden under the criminal code. Yet where domestic violence is alleged under a domestic violence statute the victim does not have the weight of the state prosecuting the criminal behavior. It is either done pro se, by themselves, or by a family lawyer.