I once read on the Internet that every year we all swallow eight spiders in our sleep. When I told that to my wife, she freaked out and insisted that it wasn’t true.

You see, my wife has quite the fear of spiders. If there is a spider in the house, it’s my job to kill the thing. When I was going through my vegan phase (eight months that ended with the best-tasting bacon cheeseburger of my life), I would trap them in a cup and put them outside. Now I just smash them with a sandal.

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