Not long ago, I was reading about a case in North Dakota about a man arrested at an ice hockey arena for DWI—while driving the Zamboni. As it turns out, that's actually happened multiple times in some of our more frigid states and in Canada. But as I chuckled to myself thinking “Never in Texas,” I realized—with a bit of Texas pride—that there are plenty of encounters with the justice system that are unique to the Lone Star State, or that happened in a quintessentially Texan way.

Take our version of a high-stakes heist, for example. I'm not talking about money or diamonds—you can save that for an “Ocean's Eleven” movie. I'm talking about something that is just as precious to Texans, and far tastier: fajitas. In 2017, an employee of the Cameron County juvenile justice department, Gilberto Escamilla, was arrested on felony charges of first-degree theft for allegedly stealing $1.2 million worth of fajitas. According to District Attorney Luis Saenz, Escaramilla had been placing orders for fajita meat (ranging between $25,000 and $30,000 at a time) over the course of nine years with a local food service vendor and then turning around and selling the fajitas to other buyers. The spicy scheme unraveled when Escaramilla took a medical day off and the Harlingen-based food service company called the juvenile justice department to notify it about the impending delivery of 800 pounds of fajitas, only to learn that the department didn't serve fajitas. An audit later revealed that $1,251,578 worth of fajitas had been misappropriated over the years. Pass the guacamole and sour cream, please.

And while other states may deal with disasters like factory fires or chemical plant explosions that result in mass tort cases, only in Texas would you find an explosion at a tortilla chip factory. In July 2018, the Austin Fire Department responded to such a uniquely Texan disaster when cases of food waste at a local tortilla chip factory spontaneously combusted, causing a fire that quickly spread. The firefighters extinguished the flames, and later noted the importance of their task, observing that tortilla chips “are responsible for holding all manner of very important things—like queso, salsa, nachos, and various other sundry items that are critical to a Texan's everyday life and well-being.” And don't worry folks—that's not blood, just salsa.

Moving to another essential Texas food group—barbecue—even that hallowed institution has some crossover with the justice system. In Huntsville, home to the Texas Department of Criminal Justice and the “Walls” Unit (the oldest prison in the state), you can indulge your cravings for brisket and ribs while paying homage to the Texas penal system at Walls BBQ. The restaurant, which is near two prisons and conveniently close to the Texas Prison Museum, has a “rustic prison feel” and is decorated with photos from prison rodeos of the 1950s and of the restaurant's namesake, the Walls Unit. It also offers correctional officers a 15 percent discount.

And since Whataburger is pretty much synonymous with Texas, it's hardly surprising that the fast food chain's iconic orange number tents (those numbers you get when you place your order) have found other uses, including in the legal system. When the Wall Street Journal noted the common practice among Houston police officers of using the bright orange tents as crime scene markers, the Houston Police Department was quick to point out that they already put an end to that practice. “We got a lot of concerns as to whether Whataburger was endorsing us or whether we were endorsing Whataburger and whether they were a sponsor of the police department,” said HPD spokeswoman Jodi Silva. Would you like fries with those shell casings?

Here in Texas, we take our intellectual property seriously—just ask anyone who's run afoul of the lawyers who zealously protect the “Don't Mess with Texas” trademark. And in 2017, the folks at Donut Taco Palace probably shouldn't have been surprised to get a cease and desist letter from the University of Texas' lawyers. After all, the shop had been selling a doughnut shaped like a hand flashing the “Hook 'em Horns” sign. Pastry violators beware: if you croissant that line, lawyers will make you cruller across the courtroom floor.

Let's face it, love of Texas and its traditions run deep, regardless of which side of the law you're on. In 2017, a man facing the death penalty for a double homicide appeared for his sentencing hearing wearing a Tony Romo Dallas Cowboys jersey. And in January of that same year, Nueces County District Attorney Mark Gonzalez was sworn into office wearing a Cole Beasley Dallas Cowboys jersey.

And messing with our Texas critters can backfire on you, too. In 2016, a Cass County man had to be airlifted to the hospital after shooting an armadillo; the bullet ricocheted off the animal and struck the man in the jaw. In May 2018, Milo Sutcliffe of Lake Corpus Christi decapitated a 4-foot-long Western diamondback rattlesnake that his wife had encountered while gardening. But while disposing of the body, Sutcliffe was bitten by the severed head! Although Sutcliffe survived, it took 26 doses of antivenom, a medically induced coma, and a lengthy hospital stay before he recovered.

That's Texas for ya.

John G. Browning is a shareholder at Passman & Jones in Dallas, where he handles a variety of civil litigation in state and federal courts.