According to the most current statistics, lawyers have a shockingly high rate of depression: 28 percent of lawyers admit to suffering from depression, compared with 8 percent of the general population. So it's hardly surprising that we, as a profession, need to take advantage of every opportunity to lighten up and allow a bit of levity into our lives. And with all of the offbeat moments that our legal system offers on a regular basis, sources of amusement are never far away.

For example, take the lawyers for In-N-Out Burger. Rather than sending a traditionally boring cease-and-desist letter when faced with Seven Stills Brewery & Distillery's potential infringing In-N-Stout beer, the intrepid fast food lawyers had a little fun with their letter. Their pun-filled cease-and-desist correspondence to the craft brewers showed that lawyers could be crafty, too, as they explained the need to “hop to” action to prevent further trademark issues “from brewing.” Pointing out that improper use of In-N-Out's marks “ales us,” the franchise's lawyers sought to “instill our rights by crafting an amicable approach with you, rather than barrel through this.” They added the hope that the parties' legal differences wouldn't “continue to ferment,” and looked forward to “resolving this in good spirits.” The burger chain's letter quickly went viral and the resulting publicity highlighted the peaceful resolution of the dispute. I'll drink to that.

Sometimes, one's surroundings play a part in the motions one gets to file. I doubt that any Texas lawyer will ever have occasion to file a “Motion for Continuance Due to Moose Attack,” for example, but lawyers in Maine (where the moose population exceeds 70,000) like John Steed may need to keep such pleadings handy. After his client was charged and knocked into a tree by a moose while riding a snowmobile, Steed filed the motion because his client was too injured “to adequately participate in his defense.” Hearing no objection from the DA, the judge granted the motion, which Steed now refers to as “basically the highlight of my legal career.”

The criminal justice system is an endless source of unintentional hilarity. Sometimes, all it takes is the right headline, like this August 2018 Associated Press description of how a knife-wielding suspect in New York who jumped from a freezer was linked to long-unsolved murders in Boston: “Man Who Jumped Out of Freezer and Died was Cold-Case Suspect.” For other criminal episodes, it's the mental images conjured up by the stories that makes me laugh. In April 2018, 23 year-old John Owen Casford of New Zealand decided to break into the Wellington Zoo. But he was set upon by the occupants of the squirrel monkey exhibit, and it did not end well for Casford, as Wellington District Judge Bill Hastings later noted when passing sentence over the would-be thief for breaking and entering. Judge Hastings admonished Casford: “I do not know what happened in the squirrel monkey enclosure. The squirrel monkeys know . . . and I don't speak squirrel. What I know is that by daybreak all the monkeys were distressed, two of them were injured, and you had a broken leg, two broken teeth, a sprained ankle, and bruises on your back.” Casford pled guilty and was sentenced to two years and seven months in prison, where I'm sure he'll be haunted by visions of tiny, fierce primates for a long time. And crime also didn't pay for burglars who hit a Roanoke County, Virginia, shoe store in August 2018, only to make off with a haul of right shoes only. Those burglars should be easy to spot, and they probably won't get too far on two right feet, either.

Another less than bright move was appellant Jeffery Schirripa's attempt to get the United States Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit to grant his petition for en banc rehearing. Schirripa asked the Court to enjoin the U.S. government from enforcing the Controlled Substances Act in his case, but it was what he attached to his petition that got the Court's attention: cannabis, attached to all of the 18 documents he filed. Since this was not what the Court had in mind by “weeding out” unmeritorious appeals, it turned over the pleadings and their attachments to the U.S. Marshals Service “for appropriate disposition or alternate action.” While I give Mr. Schirripa an “A” for effort in taking his appeal to a “higher” court, I'm afraid that his case has gone up in smoke. Justices Cheech and Chong are free to dissent.

And finally in the department of “We've Seen Everything Else,” 69 year-old Dutch disc jockey Emile Ratelband has gone to court seeking to legally change his age to make himself 20 years younger. Likening it to a name change or gender change, Ratelband says he wants to legally change his date of birth from March 11, 1949 to March 11, 1969 to improve his job prospects as well as his chances on dating apps like Tinder. Ratelband says he “identifies” as a person in his 40s, and insists he has the body of “a young god” to match. There's been no word yet on the response from the Netherlands court, but if I were you, Emile, I wouldn't throw out all those extra birthday candles just yet. Age might seem like “nothing but a number,” but your body will provide plenty of reminders of your true age. Chances are, you're more likely to break a hip than break any hearts.

John G. Browning is a shareholder at Passman & Jones in Dallas, where he handles a wide variety of civil litigation in state and federal courts.