Over the course of 29 years in the courtroom, I'm frequently tempted to tell clients that I've seen it all. But just as the urge comes over me, I reflect on the seemingly never-ending stream of oddball cases and parties and realize that we actually haven't seen everything yet. If you don't believe me, just consider the following examples.

He's Not a Criminal, Just a 'Regular' Guy

Peter Emery of Florida is a 58-year-old facing felony charges of petty theft, which could have been more serious drug charges. It seems that Emery's roommate, Jayme Ream, suspected him of stealing Ream's prescription pain medication, an opioid called hydrocodone acetaminophen. So he set up a video camera, but also switched the opioid pills with the nearly identical Equate, an over-the-counter “gentle laxative” for relieving constipation. Sure enough, Emery was caught on camera taking the pills from a lock box, and Ream turned the incriminating video over to the Pinellas County Sheriff's Department, which promptly arrested Emery. Emery hasn't commented yet on how it felt “scoring” laxatives instead of opioids, but prosecutors feel this is one case that will move quickly through the system.

The Force Was Not With Him

Police in Carter County, Tennessee, arrested something of a celebrity last December, booking 21-year-old Luke Sky Walker (his real name) for violating probation. The unfortunately named Walker had been originally arrested in 2017 on charges of stealing 46 road signs. Jailers should be wary of any “Jedi mind tricks,” or alibis that he was just going to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters.

This Defense Didn't Work for Will Farrell Either

In the 2012 comedy “The Campaign,” Will Farrell played a hapless congressman making embarrassing mistake after embarrassing mistake on the campaign trail, including accidentally punching an “iron-jawed baby.” That character's pleas for sympathy were as poorly received as the “explanation” offered by David Steven Bell's lawyer recently. The 51-year-old Bell is accused of punching an 11-year-old girl at an Asheville, North Carolina, mall on Jan. 12. In response to the assault charges, his attorney, Andy Benzhoff, says his client was defending himself from the “aggressive” preteen. By the way, Bell is 6-foot-5 and 250 pounds.

Do as I Say, Not as I Do

Maybe 48-year-old Sunita Jairam will fare somewhat better with her defense to her January drunken driving arrest. The Lexington, Kentucky, woman, who was arrested after she “drank a bunch of beer” (her blood alcohol level was twice the legal limit) and drove at 150 miles per hour, says she was only doing it “to teach her son a lesson.” It's not really clear yet what “lesson” she was trying to impart, or how this defense will go in court.

Not Your Turn to Drive

At least Sunita didn't choose a certain 27-year-old Irishman as her designated driver. According the Belfast Telegraph, the young man in question was recently sentenced to six months in jail for kicking a taxi driver out of his car and saying “It's my turn to drive.” Apparently, alcohol and a dispute over how much the fare would be were the catalysts for the defendant's “abusive behavior.” Unfortunately for the drunken passenger, his seizure of the taxicab occurred right in front of the local police station, so apprehending him wasn't difficult. And in an interesting touch, the presiding judge over this matter in the Belfast Magistrate's Court was Judge Mark Hamill, not the Star Wars actor, but still maybe Luke Sky Walker of Tennessee could apply for a change of venue?

That Old Black Magic

Last December, Canada did a bit of legislative spring cleaning, repealing a number of “zombie laws” that had remained on the books for years despite being redundant, unconstitutional, or just plain weird. One of these was Section 365 of the Canadian Criminal Code, a law which made it illegal to practice “any kind of witchcraft, sorcery, enchantment, or conjuration.” You'd think a law like that, which was actually aimed more at fake fortunetellers and mediums than witches of the Salem variety, would have been eliminated long ago. But in a case that illustrates that timing is everything, a self-proclaimed clairvoyant from Ontario was charged with violating the law just two days before it was eliminated.

You'd think a clairvoyant would have seen that coming.

John G. Browning is a shareholder at Passman & Jones in Dallas, where he handles a wide variety of civil litigation in state and federal courts.