Women balancing work as a lawyer and family life is a popular topic. Media accounts are filled with inspiring stories of struggle and overcoming. Blogs and wine-fueled gal pal meet-ups are a source of commiseration and some great “hacks” to achieve superwoman status. The #metoo movement has a lot of us recalling indignities we endured in the name of progressing our careers and standing in solidarity with sisters who are bravely forcing the issue on our national consciousness (and revealing some good guys who are calling out their brothers to wake up and do better).

Everyone seems to be chasing the same thing—to be happy. However, that means different things to different people. I responded to a query for input on whether being a woman lawyer puts added strain on balancing work and family life. My response was an outlier, in that I said “No, because I don't have to.” I don't have to because there is no husband and there are no children.

My mom saw this coming. I was rocking a comfortable 11-year career in human resources in my early 30s, but felt a tug to see what comes next. For me, that next thing was to go to law school and be a labor and employment lawyer. HR work afforded regular interaction with both in-house and outside counsel and I thought, “I want to do what they do.” The stars were aligned because the general counsel of my employer was a fan of my work, agreed that I should go to law school and what's more, the company would help me pay for it. We negotiated a deal where they would pay for half of tuition and books at SMU if I could manage to work half-time for the company while going to law school full-time. Deal! The next step was to share this joyous news with my parents on a trip home to Kansas. Dad spoke first. “That's my girl! You're in tall cotton! You're going places!” Mom was eerily silent and then dead-panned, “You're never going to get married.”

At age 60 and still unmarried. I guess mom was right, but this is not a sad story. Peers do derive happiness from their marriages and their children, in between bouts of, “Argghhh . . . I just need some me time.” I found happiness, too, but in a different way. I absolutely love being a lawyer who can help my clients avoid the ditches and also pull them out of a ditch, when necessary. This may not be everybody's version of “family,” but it does approach those same feelings of connectedness, at times. I still drive a 1998 Infiniti that I bought from a client who needed out of a lease at the same moment that I needed a new car. I am loathe to let “Alice” go since my client is deceased and this is my last link to her. Outside of the office, I've been involved in many volunteer leader roles in the business community, in the HR community and with my beloved alma mater, Kansas State. These roles have been a source of business development. to further my legal practice. They have also generated those family feelings, as our groups come together in the name of a cause and then ebb out over time, as new folks come in and take the reins. The connections with K-State are perhaps the strongest “family feelings” as I've managed to get involved in the Alumni Association (board member, then board chair), the College of Business Administration (student mentor, deans advisory board and 2019 Fellow), Athletics (season ticket holder . . . Go Cats!), founding member of the Pre-Law advisory board, the Foundation (trustee) and president of the DFW KSU alumni club (7000+ Cats strong and growing). Maybe I was too busy to notice time slipping away and there was never a conscious choice to eschew the traditional roles of wife and mother. It just happened. I have no regrets. I'm happy.

Audrey E. Mross is a partner at Munck Wilson Mandala and co-chairs the employment and labor law group. Audrey represents clients in matters involving discrimination, harassment, and retaliation, and she guides human resource professionals in proactive measures to avoid litigation. She pens a quarterly update called Legal Briefs for HR which you can receive by contacting her at [email protected].