John G. Browning, a Partner at Spencer Fane LLP.

As we endure the film awards season, with its seemingly endless procession of honors leading up to the Oscars, I can't help but wish we had an awards ceremony of our own to recognize some of the more interesting highlights (and lowlights) across the legal landscape recently.  There's no shortage of worthy nominees, as the following list shows.

Best Exit from a Workplace

Hands down, this award goes to New Zealand copy writer Josh Thompson, who feared the worst when he was summoned to a meeting by the HR department at his employer, FCB New Zealand, last September.  Rather ominously, the human resources manager encouraged him to bring a "support person" to help cushion the blow of being fired (an option legally required under New Zealand law).  But rather than opt for a friend or family member, Thompson chose to spend $200 to hire a professional clown named "Joe."  Joe-complete with greasepaint, red nose, floppy shoes, etc. – accompanied Thompson to the termination meeting, making balloon animals and, well, clowning around as the HR person proceeded with the termination.  Thompson says that when he suspected he was going to be let go, "I thought I might as well try to make the best out of this situation."  However, we still don't know whether Josh and "Joe" left the building and got into a small car filled with 37 other clowns.

I Went to Law School Because I Was Told There'd Be No Math

This award goes to Oklahoma District Judge Thad Balkman.  Following an August judgment in Balkman's court in which drug-maker Johnson & Johnson was ordered to pay the state $572 million to address the opioid crisis, Judge Balkman acknowledged a slight miscalculation.  Rather than the $107,000 he had included for a state program to treat babies born addicted to opioids, Judge Balkman inadvertently put $107 million.  "That will be the last time I use that calculator," the judge jokingly told attorneys at the end of the hearing.

Maybe You Should Be Singing the Blues

This award goes to former New Jersey lawyer James Peter Byrne, who was disbarred by the New Jersey Supreme Court Disciplinary Review Board after he ceased working on two bankruptcy cases, kept the client retainer money and vanished from the state.  One client learned of Byrne's sudden departure on the lawyer's Facebook page, where he announced he was closing his law office and moving to the state of Washington to "play jazz."  Unfortunately, he left his abandoned clients singing the blues.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

This award goes to prominent New York personal injury firm Cellino & Barnes.  Known in the New York market for their "Don't wait, call 8" TV ads, the dissolution of the law firm founded by personal injury lawyers Ross Cellino and Steve Barnes started in 2017 and has been a messy breakup.  So messy, in fact, that it inspired an off-Broadway play, "Cellino v. Barnes," which has played a sold-out tour at two theaters in Brooklyn, Union Hall and The Bell House.  A close runner-up is the equally messy split of South Carolina law firm George A. Sink, P.A. Injury Lawyers.  George Sink, Jr. left the firm in February 2019 and launched a practice with a similar name – only to be sued by his father, George Sink, Sr.  The lawsuit alleges trademark infringement, unfair competition, and cybersquatting – all over the son's use of the name given to him by his father.  I wonder what Thanksgiving dinner is like at that house!  Then again, names matter – just ask the elderly clients who were victimized by their recently disbarred lawyer who stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from his clients' trust accounts in Cobb County, Georgia.  His name? Anthony Cheatham (and no, his law firm wasn't named Dewey Cheatham and Howe).

Elvis Has Left the Building

Speaking of exits, I don't advise taking the one chosen by the winner of this award.  In February 2019, 36 year-old attorney Adam Wirtz of Naperville, Illinois parachuted from the top of the under-construction, 10-story Will County Courthouse in downtown Joliet.  The jump, which occurred after 1 a.m., was witnessed by two police officers who arrested Wirtz after he landed in the police department parking lot.  Wirtz, who said he did it because the "building had value," pleaded guilty to criminal trespass and was sentenced to 12 months court supervision, 100 hours of community service, and ordered to pay a $600 fine.  Perhaps Will County Judge Cory Lund summed it up best when he said, "When I first read about this in the paper…I thought to myself that has to be the stupidest person I've ever met."

You Can't Halve Your Cake and Eat it, Too

And our final honoree is the unnamed Walmart customer who was banned from the retailer's Wichita Falls store in late June 2019 after she grabbed a cake from the bakery, ate half of it before proceeding to the register and refused to pay for the whole cake. She insisted that's how she found it and a manager called police. Though she was banned from Walmart, she was not arrested.

John G. Browning is a Dallas-based attorney who handles a wide variety of civil litigation in state and federal courts.