John G. Browning, a Partner at Spencer Fane LLP. Courtesy photo

I once heard a veteran criminal defense lawyer say the defensive theories that could be used were limited only by the imagination of the defense attorney in question.  From the "Twinkie defense" of arguing that a defendant's steady diet of junk food had contributed to his diminished mental capacity to blaming "affluenza" for a client's criminal acts, defense attorneys have been known to get creative in their efforts to shift blame away from a defendant.  Of course, it helps when that defense is more plausible than the following ones.

I Wasn't Robbing the Shop, I was Teaching Them a Lesson

Lorena Ariana Marin wasn't hard to connect to the December 2019 robbery of a Subway Sandwich Shop in Las Cruces.  After all, one of the employees who identified her to police recognized her voice as Marin allegedly verbally threatened the shop's employees during the holdup.  And the voice was well-known to the sandwich shop's employees since Marin was actually a co-worker of theirs. It also didn't hurt that within minutes after the robbery, responding police officers who noticed a white Kia Optima "parked suspiciously in the area" of the Subway shop found the vehicle occupied by the 22-year old Marin and her 19-year old alleged accomplice, Angelo Rey Espinosa. When questioned by police, Marin admitted the robbery but said she only did it "to teach one of the employees a lesson about what could happen in that part of town."  Marin and Espinosa are currently in jail facing up to three years in prison, which could affect their availability to "teach lessons" at employee workshops and corporate training sessions in the future.

It's Not a Robbery, It's a Film Project

Joe Gibbons didn't deny that he had robbed a bank in New York on December 31, 2014, presenting a note that read "this is a robbery" to the teller and ultimately fleeing the scene with about $1,000.  But Gibbons, a lecturer in video arts at MIT from 2001 to 2010, says he filmed the whole thing and that it wasn't a heist but a "film project." Gibbons, who at the time was employed as a video editor at the appropriately named Fugitive Productions, said he had done this sort of thing before as part of his "research."  Indeed, during his MIT days, Gibbons' faculty profile mentioned his predilection for exploring "the boundaries between fact and fiction." Unfortunately for Gibbons, his camera was not the only one operating; the bank security cameras captured the robbery on film as well. And apparently Judge Laura Ward wasn't a big fan of Gibbons' "performance art" defense, since she sentenced him to one year in prison.

It's Not Robbery, It's a Research Project

U.S. District Judge Fernando Gaitan had probably heard every excuse and creative defense in the book during his tenure as a federal judge in Kansas City.  But the excuse given by John L. Stanley for robbing a Kansas City bank in 2004 was probably a first. Telling the judge he robbed the bank as a part of his "research into the criminal mind," Stanley admitted he had acted in a way that practically ensured he'd be caught (officers found him sitting in a nearby car, counting the money as his fake mustache was falling from his upper lip).  Stanley had in fact not only spent many years in prison dating back to the 1960s, he had also worked as a "crime consultant" for insurance companies, written and lectured about his criminal experiences, and even hosted a Dallas radio program called "Crime Wise with John Stanley." And after telling Judge Gaitan he needed "seclusion" to do his research, Stanley found the judge was happy to oblige.  Judge Gaitan gave him another nine years to do research, saying "I've been around this business for a long time and thought I'd seen everything. But you've shown me something new."

The Voodoo Made Me Do It

In October 2019, 29 year-old Joshua Renfroe of Lufkin, Texas had a creative explanation for the police officers who booked him into the Angelina County jail on misdemeanor theft charges for allegedly shoplifting more than $400 worth of items from a local Walmart.  Renfroe claimed "the voodoo" made him do it (just as, he added, "the voodoo" had told him not to brush his teeth that morning). This mystical defense doesn't have quite the urgency of the reason a Florida woman had to her shoplifting charges: She claimed that she couldn't wait in line at the grocery store due to irritable bowel syndrome, or IBS.  When you gotta go, you gotta go.

John G. Browning is a Dallas-based attorney who handles a wide variety of civil litigation in state and federal courts.