A Lawyer By Any Other Name
Ah, lawyer names. We've all got them, but some are funnier than others.
June 17, 2020 at 07:26 PM
5 minute read
By John G. Browning
You don't always find someone whose name just happens to match up well with his occupation, such as a carpenter whose last name is, well, "Carpenter." For fictional lawyers in movies or comedy skits, it's not uncommon to encounter a lawyer or law firm with a made-up name that reflects society's generally low opinion of the profession, such as "Dewey, Cheatham & Howe." But in reality, there are plenty of lawyers and law firms out there with amusing, and some might even argue, oddly appropriate names.
Take the real-life Christopher Batman of the Batman Law Firm (licensed in Texas, Louisiana and Georgia, according to its billboard). This "Batman" specializes not in fighting crime, but in oilfield and maritime injuries. And you'll probably have to call or email for an appointment; I doubt the "Batsignal" will get you anywhere. Then there's Los Angeles trial lawyer and mediator Jack Daniels—I'm sure his legal skills are so exemplary that you won't be driven to drink. Or you could visit Justin Bieber, of the Philadelphia personal injury firm J. Bieber. I'm not sure if he can sing or not, but baby, baby, baby his courtroom abilities just might make a "belieber" out of you. I'm sure that Washington, D.C., lawyer Saul Goodman is nothing like his ethically challenged namesake on the television series, "Better Call Saul." And without even having to wave a wand or cast a spell, you can find at least two lawyers named Harry Potter. One is a Cambridge graduate who's now a barrister in the United Kingdom. The other Harry Potter is a personal friend and University of Texas Law alum who has his own law firm in Houston. While neither, sadly, went to Hogwarts Academy, they both excel in making lawyers' problems disappear faster than you can say "Malefactus nominatorem."
Of course, if you can't have a name that evokes celebrity, you can always find a real-life law firm name that may be more descriptive of how their lawyers practice. For example, there's the divorce law firm of Ditcher, Quick & Hyde, or the husband and wife law firm of Bickers & Bickers (maybe they bicker so you don't have to?). I'm sure that the British barrister Hugh Cumber is cool under pressure. There are several personal injury lawyers named Slaughter, but my research has only found one law firm named Payne & Fears; if they're not using the slogan "We bring the pain, and instill the fear," then something's dreadfully wrong. And perhaps the law firm named Low, Ball & Lynch tells you all you need to know about their approach to settlement or contract negotiations. And while Oklahoma's Boring and Leach doesn't sound like the most exciting place to work, Texas' Ball & Weed just sounds like the ultimate college party.
Of course, there are also lawyers whose names make them seem destined for a legal career, like Los Angeles lawyer and Duke Law graduate Sue Yoo. Just to be fair, there's also a lawyer named Sue Mee, but that's her married name. And if you think her name is amusing, consider the fact that her husband Robert is a banker; that's right, a banker with the unfortunate name Rob Mee. Over on the other side of pond, you can find a London lawyer named Mr. Counsel and another attorney named Hubert Legal. You might even run across the aptly named judges, Justice John Laws and Lord Judge. While he's now deceased, for years the general counsel of the Central Bank of Liberia was someone named I. Wonasue. Southampton, England lawyer Margaret Pine's name probably didn't raise any eyebrows until she married a gentleman named Coffin. You guessed it—her name is now Margaret Pine-Coffin. Somewhere, someone's rolling over in his grave…
Some law firms' names leave you with a positive connotation, like the law firm Smart & Biggar. Other law firm names, however, are more apt to provoke sophomoric snickers, like the unfortunately-named teamup of Weiner & Cox, or DUI lawyer Dick Strong (sometimes, it's just better to stick with "Richard"). The Mohammad Ibrahim Law Firm actually uses its initials in its advertising—MILF—but you really don't want to see what appears in the search results when you look them up on the internet. And then there's the Luton, England, criminal defense firm of Butt Solicitors. I hear they're always right behind their clients 100% and good at getting juries to turn the other cheek to avoid a bum rap for defendants.
Ah, lawyer names. We've all got them, but some are funnier than others.
John G. Browning is a Dallas-based attorney who handles a wide variety of civil litigation in state and federal courts.
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