Let’s face it—lawyers don’t get enough credit for their creativity. Sure, we’re supposed to be zealous advocates, but when it comes to mounting a defense against a seemingly insurmountable mountain of evidence incriminating our clients, attorneys who come up with the most ridiculous (or ridiculous-sounding) defenses are all too often overlooked or ridiculed. Poke fun at the “Twinkie defense” or the “affluenza defense” all you want, but give the lawyers who argued them credit for keeping a straight face. Of course, some crazy defenses work and some don’t. Here are some strange but true defenses.
Let’s begin with one from someone we actually trusted to help secure our borders. According to a report by Gizmodo about abuse of technology in the Department of Homeland Security, an unnamed U.S. Border Patrol agent was charged with attempting to access porn 644 times over a two-day span in July 2015. DHS internet software filters apparently denied him access on 467 of these times. When the agent (who was allegedly caught in the act) was interviewed during the investigation, his defense was that blame actually rested with the Customs and Border Protection (CBP) office by not having “adequate web filters.” That’s right — an agent for a government organization that essentially acts as a filter for those crossing our borders just put the blame for his own porn-viewing on his employer’s own equipment. I don’t think that the “you were supposed to stop me” defense would fly for someone in immigration court. And, seriously, trying to look at porn 644 times in two days? When did the cast of the “American Pie” movies start working for the Border Patrol?
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