Various studies have confirmed that women often do not know how to take a compliment, especially from other women. For women lawyers this inability to recognize that you are successful both in your own estimation and within the workplace is especially magnified and can lead to dissatisfaction, and in some instances can be the reason behind departure from the profession.

The realization that I too was a victim of self doubt came over a decade ago. I was the sole shareholder of my own small firm of seven people, yet was able to land a very well-established financial services client. The client conducted yearly on-site audits and reviews. After the audit was completed—yes, we passed the audit—my client contact, also a woman, sat down to discuss the audit results. When she concluded, she asked me if I would speak at a monthly women's meeting at the client's office. Of course, I said I would be happy to, but I asked her why she would want me to speak and what would I speak about? She responded, “I would want you to talk about how you became successful.” I was stunned; the idea that I was a “success” or that I was considered successful never crossed my mind, especially since my firm's operating account was far from any indicator of success.

So how do women lawyers define themselves as successful? The answer is particularly difficult, especially in the legal profession where success is usually defined by originations and timekeeper dollars and the ability to make partner. Can a woman still be successful if she doesn't make partner? Can the respect from a woman's colleagues both internally within the firm and externally by her subject matter expertise be enough? The answer of course should be yes, but understanding that women are the last to admit their success and rely on others to do it for them is part of the problem. Couple that with law firm benchmarks and it can paint an unworkable scenario. Below are a few recommendations that have helped me throughout the years in not only defining my own success as a lawyer but in enabling me to recognize when my successes have been achieved rather than hearing it from others.

Self-Promote and Self-Advocate

Sheryl Sandberg's book, “Lean In,” was groundbreaking in that it took head on a woman's inherent lack of self-confidence. However, now that we know to speak up, it's time to do it. When I speak of self-promotion and self-advocacy, it does not necessarily mean for advancement, such as a higher partnership band or increased percentage in origination credit, although by all means if that is what you desire then you must let it be known. Rather, use your voice to ensure that your professional experience is what you want it to be. Everything in the legal profession is a negotiation so negotiate your well-being. If Friday afternoons in the summer are better spent working from home then let your office know it; lay out how you plan to meet firm expectations and meet them. Even if the “wants” are small, creating and achieving these scenarios can go a long way in achieving a self-realization of success. Rarely do you hear the comment that a “woman is full of herself.” Maybe now is a good time for women to openly talk about themselves and their achievements.

What's in a Name?

Unfortunately attorneys in law firms are identified by titles. That is the reality, so figure out what title suits you. I wanted to be a partner in my current firm because I spent the prior 20 plus years running my own firm. Understanding how the firm operates and supporting the culture were important to me. And being a partner provided me with a stronger platform in which to grow my practice. But that suited me and my type-A personality. So what if you are not an Alpha female. A colleague of mine is an outstanding attorney and was a partner at one time in her earlier career. Yet she has chosen to take a senior counsel role in order to raise her three children and that seems to suit her fine. She has developed into a go-to role model among our colleagues and her work ethic and product never disappoint. More importantly, the firm is not pushing her to be a partner or change her position. Every person has value no matter where they might fall in the firm hierarchy. Embrace your role and title and run with it.

Develop the Women's Club

Yes, the men's club really does exist. No, it's not a secret society and you don't have to apply for admission. Men, especially in a professional setting, know how to take care of their own and support and provide for each other. Women need to do the same. While professional women's networks are a good start, you may not even need that. My two closest and dearest friends are lawyers I met within my industry. Our paths professionally crossed during the course of any given year but it wasn't until one of my friends suggested that we make a girl's weekend that there was no turning back. Aside from the long-lasting friendship, our collective relationship has changed the course of all of our careers. From business referrals, networking opportunities and frequent advice and counsel, the camaraderie of like-minded professional women magically erases the self-doubt. Women need to circle the wagons, not for the purposes of excluding men, but for creating stronger women.

These recommendations are not a cure-all. Life and the speed bumps that come with it unfortunately get in the way. That client you have spent months pitching decides to use another firm. That motion you fine-tuned and spent hours editing was denied. More times than not women feel defeated, not to mention exhausted, which is why thinking of themselves as successful, especially in the workplace seems unattainable. It's not. Success is not about the win, it's about the accomplishment. While law firms need to do a better job of defining success beyond objective benchmarks, women need to create their own scenarios so that success is not defined by those who had no part in it.

Joann Needleman is a partner in the Philadelphia office of Clark Hill and leader of the consumer financial services regulatory & compliance practice group.