We see it practically every time we drive. Drivers looking at their phones to text, email, Snapchat, Tweet, access Facebook or Instagram, eat or watch videos. In 2009, then-Secretary of Transportation Ray LaHood declared distracted driving a national epidemic and made fighting distracted driving a priority. That year was also the year my daughter, Casey, was killed by a distracted driver. Since then I have spent much of my professional time working to reduce distracted driving crashes through our nonprofit, EndDD.org (End Distracted driving).

So, how have we done in reducing distracted driving crashes since 2009?

In 2010, distracted drivers killed 3,092 people. In 2017, 3,166 were killed. From 2010 to 2017 we averaged 3,272 distracted driving deaths per year. The number of people injured by distracted driving has remained relatively constant at about 400,000 annually. According to surveys by AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety, those age 19 to 39 will send texts or emails between 45 to 50% of the time. The frequency with which drivers text or email while driving actually increased for most age groups from 2015 to 2017.

We certainly are not winning the war against distracted driving.

• If what we are doing isn't working, don't we need to try to understand why and come up with new strategies?

Talking about the dangers of driving while distracted is not likely to change behaviors. Many campaigns focus on the dangers of distracted driving. The premise is that if people understand the risks they will change their driving attitudes and behaviors. However, many of us have driven distracted and not yet been in a crash. The most frequent excuses given for driving distracted, according to surveys, as well as my personal experience in speaking with more than 150,000 students and adults, include “I'm a safe driver—I've never been in a crash,” “I can handle it,” and “It's just for a few seconds.”

At recent high school talks Colorado in the Denver-Boulder area many students admitted to texting or Snapchatting while driving. Most had not yet been in a crash. When asked if statistics or videos pointing out how dangerous those activities could be were likely to deter them from continuing, most said no. I also spoke at two Denver businesses. Although the adults weren't Snapchatting, they were texting and sending emails. They also agreed that talking about the danger was not likely to change their behaviors because, while it might be dangerous for others, it was not dangerous for them. The lack of a prior crash, or adverse consequences from driving distracted, has become for many a reason to ignore messages about risk and danger.

• While adults describe distracted driving as “dangerous,” our children are likely to describe it as “disrespectful.”

In our presentations we show the same video of a distracted driver to students and adults. Adults consistently describe what the driver is doing as “dangerous or risky.” Students describe the driver's conduct as “disrespectful.” Parents are describing the situation whereas students are describing the driver's conduct. Respect for others is important for our children. As parents we teach our children to respect others and it is a rare school that I go to that does not have respect as one of its core values, often evidenced by banners and posters hanging on school walls. When asked what is meant by respect for others, teens and adults generally say treating others the way we would like to be treated, or the “Golden Rule.”

Studies show that while many of us drive distracted, the vast majority of us don't want other drivers to drive distracted. A comparison of annual surveys by AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety found that the number of us who believe distracted driving is a very serious threat to our safety steadily increased from 77% in 2015, to 81% in 2016 and to 97% in 2017. That tells us something about how we would like to be treated by other drivers. Why is this so important? If drivers feel that their behaviors are disrespectful of others they are likely to consider stopping even if they don't think the behavior is particularly dangerous when they do it. The vast majority of texting drivers readily admit that texting while driving is not respectful toward those they share the roads with. That is the case even if they have never been in a crash caused by their distracted driving.

Looks of embarrassment frequently arise when drivers are presented with the inconsistency between their belief that they are respectful of others and their texting while driving behavior. Commitments to make one's beliefs and behaviors congruent by giving up driving distractions follow. Taking this approach dispenses with the need to confront the driver about his ability to text successfully while driving, thereby minimizing defenses. In our EndDD.org talks we have had promising results by focusing on respect as opposed to danger.

• “My mom is such a hypocrite, she tells me not to text and drive, but she does it all the time.”

Many parents are in fact hypocrites when it comes to distracted driving. Experts say that we are teaching our children to drive long before they get their licenses. They learn good and bad behaviors from watching us. According to a University of Michigan/Toyota Research Center study, if we drive distracted, our children are more than two times as likely to also drive distracted. For the population as a whole, distraction-related crashes are believed to be about 20% of all crashes. But for teen drivers that number skyrockets to 60%. It's not enough to tell our teens not to drive distracted. We must model safe driving every time we drive and be the drivers we want our teens to be.

• “Dad, I love you, but I don't feel safe when you drive and look at your phone.”

Between 60% to 70% of student audiences tell me their moms and dads drive distracted. Experts believe there is a “sweet spot” for elementary school children around the fifth grade, where developmentally they can learn about safety and the lessons learned have a fair chance of surviving passage through adolescence. Many elementary school students are also “rule followers,” and as many parents know, are more than happy to correct mom and dad when they don't follow the rules. Accordingly, at EndDD.org we are working with experts across the country on an elementary school health class curriculum that will teach kids to recognize when they are being driven distracted and provide them with resources to foster talks with parents, as well as skills to speak up effectively when driven distracted. The goal is to create a generation of drivers who view distracted driving as unacceptable behavior. Pilots for the program will be launched in fall 2019.

Given the continuing carnage on our highways and the limited successes of current efforts we must use new approaches to reducing distracted driving. Giving up our driving distractions, modeling safe driving for our children and respecting others, including when we get behind the wheels of our cars, will help keep all of us safer. When it comes to distracted driving we would be well served to listen to our children.

Joel D. Feldman is a partner in the Philadelphia firm of Anapol Weiss and founder of EndDD.org (End Distracted Driving). He can be reached at [email protected].