Valerie Fenchel of Fenchel Family Law.

Valerie Fenchel, the founder of the Fenchel Family Law boutique, was scheduled to get married on June 10 at a luxury winery estate in Pleasanton. But since Fenchel broke off the engagement earlier this year, she's decided to repurpose the party as a charity fundraiser for Bay Area Legal Aid, an organization she helps out pro bono on two domestic abuse cases each year.

In the run-up to the party, The Recorder caught up with Fenchel about the fundraiser and her family law practice. The following transcript has been edited for length and clarity. Readers interested in attending can get a discounted ticket at the event website by entering the code “TheRecorder” before June 1.

How did you end up specializing in family law? I see your mother practices at your firm and has been practicing family law since 1983. I imagine that has something to do with it?

Throughout high school, college, and law school, I got a lot of joy from helping my friends and family navigate unhealthy relationships and get to the other side of them. I have always been very even-keeled and logical when it comes to navigating relationship dynamics—which has made me especially well-suited for family law.

Family law is not just moving money from one side to another. While some lawyers make it about intellectual arguments and legalese, at the core of family law is human empowerment.

I believe the most significant impact you can have on somebody's life is empowering them to seek a healthy and supportive home environment. Family dynamics can be unhealthy and at worst, toxic. These are dynamics nobody talks about. We keep them close to our vest. They are embarrassing, uncomfortable, and cause us to feel shame.

I enjoy taking in a client that does not realize how much better his or her life could be, and showing them that it is not just possible, but necessary, and actually using the legal system to get them what they are entitled to.

While certainly having a mother that practices family law has helped guide me, I believe it is actually the incredible marriage my parents built that inspires me to help others break free from unhealthy marriages. My parents always modeled for me what a healthy relationship should be, which has been a driving force for my desire to help others seek that. Further, growing up with such a strong relationship with my dad truly motivates me to help fathers whose exes are trying to minimize their time with their kids.

And it's because my parents modeled such a successful marriage that I made the hard decision recently to end my engagement and call off a planned wedding. It's a humbling experience but the right decision—and one that helps me understand what my clients are going through.

What do you like about the practice?

I love giving parents the courage to fight for time with their kids. It is my favorite. They come in thinking that accommodating their ex is what is best for their kids. Usually, accommodating their ex means limiting their time with their children or having very structured and limited visits with the kids.

They become doormats because they wish to avoid conflict. They start believing they are not good parents because their ex tells them they are not. I love telling them the rights they are entitled to have and what their parenting time should be.

It is very gratifying when that light bulb goes off and they realize that what they want deep in their heart (increased time with their kids) is exactly what California law recommends.

Where did the idea to turn your would-be reception into a charity fundraiser come from?

This beautiful wedding that was supposed to happen, that was the cause of so much-anticipated excitement and joy … for it not to happen … well … obviously, there is a reciprocal feeling of great loss and disappointment. I wanted to fill the void with something good that could truly help others. I believe that anything painful and hard happens for a reason and anytime I go through something hard, I do all I can to use the pain and sadness for something positive.

I am so lucky to have so much support from my family and friends where I had the ability to do this. I am so lucky that I had the choice financially to do this. There are so many people in my shoes that are not so lucky. Their failure to call off their engagement is not because they lack courage. It is because they lack the support and financial resources.

And don't get me wrong, I was engaged to a beautiful soul that I continue to respect and admire in every capacity. We just were not a good fit to be married.

The people that are truly brave are the men and women that are stuck in unsafe relationships where they are victim to domestic violence—that continue to persevere against all odds. The lucky ones have the financial resources to hire a family law firm to seek restraining orders on their behalf so that they may obtain peace in their homes. The unlucky ones cannot afford an attorney and stay stuck. That is, unless they seek the assistance of a nonprofit like Bay Area Legal Aid.

I decided to have the venue benefit Bay Area Legal Aid so that my broken engagement could instead help spouses obtain peace in their homes. I believe this is a net win. One broken engagement will hopefully lead to multiple spouses set free to have the beautiful life they deserve.

What all did you have booked for the party? How far in advance did you have it booked?

Everything was booked, it was just a question of how much was left to be paid. Most of our vendors required a significant deposit well in advance of the date. This includes: the venue, which included catering, the flowers, the photographer, and the band. It was really only the wedding cake vendor that hadn't required a deposit.

Will this party use same vendors that you were planning to use for the wedding?

Yes.

What has the response been so far from friends to your experience and how you've responded to it? And what have you heard from colleagues in the family law bar?

The response has generally been, “Send me the link so I can buy tickets right away. Would love to support you … and sounds like a lot of fun!” I haven't been too open about the reason why I am throwing the benefit—the whole broken engagement situation—but I suppose now it will be more transparent.

How much are you hoping to raise?

To secure lasting safety and independence for at least seven undocumented survivors of domestic violence and his or her children through a restraining order, spousal support, legal permanent residency and work authorization.

To give you an idea of the money required to help survivors obtain relief: $100 secures a temporary restraining order for a survivor of domestic violence … and $2,000 secures lasting safety and independence for an undocumented survivor of domestic violence and her children through a restraining order, spousal support, legal permanent residency and work authorization.