There Were These Three Associates. . .

Here’s another example of a new twist on an old joke:

A young associate was invited to a party at the home of an august senior partner at his firm. The associate wandered awestruck through the house, especially amazed at the original artworks by Picasso, Matisse and others adorning the walls. As the associate stood gazing at one Picasso, the senior partner approached and put his arm around the associate’s shoulder. “Yes,” he said, “if you work long and hard, day in and day out, six, seven days a week, 10, 12 hours a day, I could buy another one!”

In both of these stories, senior partners unhesitatingly quash the dreams of young associates, envisioning them in purely selfish terms. This is a theme that has found expression in lawyer jokes only in the last 10 years or so, as associate retention and satisfaction have become issues at large firms.

More often, the tables are turned on the senior attorney. Consider this expression of associate discontent:

A man in a hot-air balloon realized he was lost, so he reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman replied, “You are in a hot-air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be a second-year associate,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the woman. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is, I am still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far.”

The woman below responded, “You must be a partner!”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made promises which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problems. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”